Tell Me. || Johnny Depp [complete]

"I'd like to"

Thursday, 13th May

Spending time with Johnny was little awkward. Therefore we didn't go out that much anymore. I obviously had seen him during our meetings but since our almost-kiss-thing happened things were kind of weird between us. I don't know.

I knew it was a bad idea to believe Melissa and go on like nothing happened. What if I actually hurt him with that action of mine? I knew I hurt him but how could I rectify that? It's not like I only forgot to give him back one of his pencils or something hilarious like that, no, I rejected a kiss, an action of love and lust, which really had me wondering if he felt that way towards me. I couldn't imagine my Johnny feeling the same as I do everytime we'd see each other but what if it was true? If I tried to kiss him and he'd turn his head away ... god I'd feel so embarrassed, so uncomfortable, just extremely bad. I couldn't believe I had actually done that to him.

Those two voices inside my head discussed whether it was okay to do such thing since I literally panicked or if I was a bitch for doing that. I was a bitch, obviously.

I sat in my office brooding over those thoughts that I kind of looked like I was daydreaming. And so I didn't even notice my Johnny entering the room after I also missed that little message our secretary sent to me.

His "Good morning" brang me back to reality, I quickly shook my head to get it clear. I smiled at him and stood up from my chair to give him a quick hug. "Morning, how was the week?" I asked when I sat down again after he did. "Until now? It's going alright I'd say. I'm a little anxious about the weekend actually" he chuckled kind of nervously and leaned back in his chair. I asked him for what reason he was so nervous but he said we could talk about that later, so I shrugged my shoulders at him and nodded my head. There wasn't much I could do but agreeing.

For one or maybe two hours we talked about those things how he was feeling lately and if he'd feel the urge to drink, smoke or whatever. He actually looked more tired and seemed more drunk than last few weeks. I supposed his mental condition wasn't doing that good so I didn't want to mention that kiss-thing. I thought of talking about it to release us both from this awkwardness but I couldn't drag him to fix things with me when there was something different bothering him so much that he fell off the wagon again.

"And you really don't want to mention what it is? I feel bad for seeing you like this and not do a thing to make you feel better. Maybe I can do something about it" I said, trying to make sure he knew he could talk to me about everything and anything.

He giggled slightly which didn't seem real and shook his head afterwards. "What? What is it?" I asked, leaning myself more towards his direction. "Shouldn't you be the one to know what's going on? There's no one who could know better than you!" he said, raising his voice a little. I leaned back against my chair again and lowered my gaze.

I sighed and scratched the back of my neck before folding my hands on the desk between us. "Things are so awkward between us and it exhausts me. I don't feel like I'm talking to YOu anymore when we're having a conversation" his voice was deep and low, yet raised to make sure I knew he was pissed at me. I nodded my head and looked down to my hands. I stayed quiet for a little time, him waiting for an answer of mine and me searching for the right words to say.

"I know things have been different and we both know why. I know it's my fault, but I really didn't want this. I don't know how to make up for this though. I'm sorry" I'm sure I sounded like a little girl apologizing for eating a chocolate without asking, but honestly what else could I have said? I mean I couldn't say that I like him a lot and was just too excited to finally kiss him that I panicked and was too scared to actually do it.

He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his messy looking hair. We stayed quiet for a moment while I watched him playing with his silver rings before he spoke up again. "I just don't want us to end our friendship. And I feel like we're close to that at the moment" he looked up again and had this worried kind of look in his eyes, he still looked so cute and shy that I melted away from the inside.

I nodded my head and responded that I didn't want that either, we smiled at each other and I felt a bit relieved that we ended up talking about that thing .. without really mentioning it actually.

"So what is that thing you are so nervous about? What's gonna happen during the weekend?" I asked him once again with a slight grin on my lips. "Well you do know my friend Micheal, don't you? the one who signed me up for the meetings" I nodded my head at him. Yes I remembered Micheal, I didn't know much about him but he seemed pretty nice when he called me.

"He's gonna get married this weekend. I got the invitation 2 weeks ago, it was a spontaneous idea, so yeah" he chuckled slightly. "It's not gonna be a big party or something, I mean their both a bit elder, but still, he wants me to be his groomsman. I don't know I'm kinda nervous about that. I don't even know what to wear". I swear to god this man was a cute lil mess and I totally lov-, I mean, I liked him for being like that.

I giggled at his nervousness and shook my head at him. "What happend to you that you're always this shy and nervous Johnnyyy. You'll obviously wear a suit! And I promise that Micheal will be way more nervous that you've ever been in your whole life!" I told him and leaned back in my chair.

"I could also come along, if you want me to" I jokingly said, furrowing my eyebrows when he starred at me with those hopeful eyes afterwards. "Would you??" he asked, seeming so happy about my idea that was actually only meant as a joke.

"Johnny I can't just appear on a wedding, what the hell" I shook my head even though I was sure it would be pretty cool to meet one of Johnny's friends. "I can call Micheal! I'm sure that he'll be fine with that, it would help me so much" he begged at me, looking at me with those puppy doe eyes that I really could not resist. "You'd like me to be there?" I quietly asked, immediately recieving a head nod from my Johnny "I'd like to".

--------------------------------------------------------------

He's still a lil hurt tho :((

thank you so much for reading <3
I'm sorry for any kind of mistakes, english is not my first language :)

Please vote & comment what you think!