Every Lifetime I Fall {COMPLETED but undergoing revisions}

Chapter 155: KSG VII

Footsteps run across the polished wooden floor.

Was it her?

Sometimes I feel her presence in the same room. Sometimes I see a figure like her walk by. I would chase after it, only to find no one there.

Perhaps I cannot let her go or that her spirit cannot move on because of her unjustifiable death.

It has been one year since she left.

One year where I tried to rectify what was done.

My goal of conjuring the Ruby of Eternal has not been realized. With no luck, I began traveling and healing those in need. I had just returned to Invigorating Essence.

I chase after the shadow to the kitchen. The oven's fire is lit with a pot releasing intense steam on the stove. 

"Mingxian?" I call out to the figure.

"What is it, Lord Kong? You can't fall asleep?" Ah Xi stops fanning the pot and looks up at me. 

"Did you see... Never mind." I turn around, heading back to my room. 

"Lord Kong, I've brewed some calming tea for you. I'll bring it to your room."

"Mm."

I lie awake on the canopy bed. In the dark, I can't help it but imagine her face. If I'm lucky, I dream of her and granted with this feeling that she is really there. I could reach out and grab a hold of her. In this reality, I can't even do that. I can't be with her, can't tell her how much I love her nor even beg for forgiveness. 

When I think of her to the point where I cannot think of anything else, I plant another flower in the garden. In a way, it is meant to honor her but also it has become a ritual of healing for me. 

I get up with a lit lantern and head to her old residence within Invigorating Essence. The disciples fear being near her living quarters. They believe it to be haunted by her ghost. I don't mind the rumors. Often I think about running into her ghostly form, how it would't be a scary encounter. If she wanted revenge to move on, I'd allow her to take my life if I could just see her once again.

I had the walls circling the place torn down to make room for more flowers. The meadow of wildflowers is overrun with tall grass. On my knees, I use a small shovel to dig a hole. I've been planting flowers of all kinds because I never got the chance to ask Mingxian what her favorite flower was. The scattered wildflowers were planted from the seeds extracted from flowers on my travels. I only hope that Mingxian can find some solace in viewing this beautiful scenery. 

Covering the hole with dirt, I stand to see the sun rising in the distance. The rosy sky reflects warmth onto the field. It's time for me to pay respects to her. 

Making my way back to Mingxian's village, I'm glad to see the clinic still running. Invigorating Essence adopted the small clinic with Xiao Wei being a leader to the disciples. It's a good experience for them to practice medicine.

On the same overlook where I held Mingxian during her last moments is where she was laid to rest alongside Teacher Lu.

"Mingxian, can you believe it's been a year?" I pour wine in an ivory cup and set it in front of her grave. "How are you and Teacher Lu?"

The grass and the stretched out branches on the trees remain unbothered as they sway gently from the calming wind.

"Not a day goes by that I do not think of you," I reveal. "On my travels of healing others in need, I really wished you were there by my side."

I read the epitaph along the stone, missing the times when we would chat about medicine and our ambitions of helping others.

"Often I feel that you are still here with me but then I think about how you must hate me, must want to stay away..."