5sos Imagines

My Hero, Ashton Irwin

I've never really had anything that depressing in this book. But I feel as if this should be something I should add in here. It's usually happiness and rainbows, but I'm actually going to add a bit of angst. Enjoy. Oh! And there will be a request after this!

Warnings- Mention of depression, anxiety, and suicide
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A boy rushed into the office. A hood covering his emo styled hair. It was pure blonde and he had the most beautiful hazel eyes. He closed the door behind him and his eyes darted around the room. He soon found the gaze of her own. He sat down slowly as a smile grew on the women's face.

"Hello Ashton. It's wonderful to see you again." She said. The woman was a tall brunette. In her Middle Ages. She had a dress shirt and a skirt on. One of her heels crossed over her leg. A notepad on her lap.

"Uh.. hey Dr. Walchezki." Ashton said nervously. He sat down on one of the chairs. He sunk right in. He tried to meet everywhere but her gaze. It was always awkward to catch eyes.

"How have you been doing lately Ashton?" Dr. Walchezki asked. A smile still playing slightly over her face, but it slowly coming off. She wouldn't be smiling after everything he had explained to her by the end of this meet.

"I've been doing...well... I've been feeling horrible. I feel numb. I feel dead. I'm alive... yes... but I feel like a part of me is slowly dying." He explained. He was right, the women's smile slowly disappeared.

She was silent for a few seconds. "Okay... Ashton the last time we met you talked about how the depressive thoughts were always there. Like they were attacking you. Are they still doing that?" She asked. She looked in his eyes. He tried to look everywhere but that.

"Yes. Maybe even more than last time. Each day it keeps getting worse. I wake up and I just want to fall back asleep. For days, for weeks, for months. Sometimes even forever...and..." He paused right there. He didn't want to say what he was just about to. He was scared to.

"And? Ashton, what happened. Are you alright? You look terrified." Dr. Walchezki asked. Ashton gulped and looked to the floor. Some tears coming to his eyes. He was ashamed of what he had done. He slowly started picking with the scars on his wrists.

"I tried to kill myself...." Ashton mumbled. Dr. Walchezki looked at him. Reading him. She wrote something down on her paper and sighed.

"Ashton I'm going to need you to sit back outside. I'll meet back with you in a bit, I have to see something." She said. He nodded and got up. He opened the door, looking back slightly and walking out. He closed it and sighed.

He stood there for a second before making his way down the hallway. His head hanging low, his walking slow and slumped. Other therapists would look at him and give smiles. He's just wave and give a slight one in return. But than return to his sad and gloomy state. He turned down the corner and found his way to the door leading to the waiting room. He opened the door and walked out. His siblings and mother had went out to eat. Perfect for him to sit and think depressively. Fun fun fun.

He sat down at a wall seat. Continuing to pick at his scars. He stared blankly at the floor. His mind was blank, yet he could already feel useless. How he wasn't strong enough to disobey the commands of his mind. Pressuring him to do it. Telling him his life was meaningless anyways. It was a constant battle between him and his own mind. Every single day. He won every day since he was 13. But only a few nights ago was when he lost that battle. He gave in to the dark thoughts his mind held.

He didn't realize how much harder he was picking at his scars now. Nor did he even realize that a girl had sat down next to him.

"You know, it's trouble enough you have those scars. It's even worse that you pick at them." She told him. He got pulled out of his thoughts. He looked over at her and blinked a few times. He stopped picking and covered them up.

She was a girl about his age. Maybe younger. Beautiful eyes, as well as wonderful and clean hair. From the distance, she smelled like lavender and roses. Her lips were pink and plump. Her cheeks were sweet and rosy. He looked back at the floor.

"Give me your wrist." She calmly ordered. Ashton hesitated, but slowly gave her his wrist. She reached into a bag at her side and grabbed a black sharpie. She took the cap off, it making a popping sound. She gripped the marker and his wrist lightly before pressing the marker on his skin. She started to draw over the scars.

She finished and pulled up his sleeve. She put the cap back on the marker and put her sharpie back in her bag. She took a breath and smiled at him.

"Depression and Anxiety?" She asked. Ashton thought for a moment before he nodded. She nodded in agreement. She looked to the left before looking back at him.

"I could tell. You have that look in your eye. You've been through stuff." She added. He scoffed.

"Yeah, you wouldn't believe how much I've been through." He replied. The girl glanced over to him. She looked to the floor before sitting straight and towards him.

"Oh yeah? Well hit me with it." She looked full of determination and she seemed listen worthy. Like she had all ears on him. He'd never seen anyone like her in his life.

"Are you serious?" He asked her. Her eyes kept that same look. He couldn't help but form the smallest smile. This was different from every other high school student. Usually no one had the capacity to listen.

"Okay, to start off easy. What makes you anxious? What triggers you?" The girl asked. Her voice soothing and calm.

"Uhhh.. I don't know.. I guess it's just that I'm scared people will hate me. That they'll judge me. Maybe the people who I think are my friends, don't wanna be. They find me annoying. They find me despising." Ashton stated. The girl nodded. She looked to the floor before back at him.

"Why do you feel that way? What makes you think your friends hate you?" She asked him. Ashton didn't know how to answer that question. He didn't have that many friends within all his honesty.

"I mean... I never knew what else to think. People tell me all the time that everyone hates me." Ashton explained to her. From those words you could see some pain in her eyes.

"People tell you that your friends hate you? But why?" She asked. You could hear the hurt in her words.

"Everyone gives me a hard time at school. As soon as I walk in there it's a race to see who can hurt Ashton Irwin first." Ashton stated. He hung his head low. He went to go pick at his scars but he stopped himself.

"Oh is that your name? Ashton?" She asked. He nodded slowly. His eyes somehow making his way back to her own.

"Are you named after anyone? Your father?" She asked. The mention of his father made him wince. His heart rate sped up almost instantly. He clenched his hands a bit.

"I don't know. Neither do I want to." Ashton's voice sounded aggressive. Like he was hurt. And so he was.

"You don't want to? Ashton how do you not-" Than it struck the girl. Ashton had never known his father. That's why he didn't know. She looked everywhere but him. She was in deep thought about this.

"Well I like that name. Ashton. It has a nice ring to it." She placed her hand on his shoulder lightly. He looked up at her. He didn't notice how green her eyes were until now.

They were just staring at each other until a voice called out Ashton's name. He saw his therapist at the door. He smiled at her and stood up.

"Thanks for listening...." Ashton didn't know her name.

"Oh! My apologies! I"m Y/N! Y/N Clifford. My brother Michael is in the car. I'll just sit with him. It was nice meeting you Ashton." She started to walk out, turning around and waving to him.

He stood there for a second. What a curious girl she was. She even made him curious. Curious on who she was. And why she started talking to him in the first place.

He started walking towards his therapist before he remembered she drew something on his arm. He pulled up his sleeve, and there he saw it. A butterfly drawn on his wrist.