Perfect Fate ✔

63. No Life Without You

Drake...

This is it. I'm going to meet Jessica. After five fucking years I have a chance to win her back. I can't ruin this. I can't.

I checked myself one last time before getting out of the car. I walked to the playground where we were supposed to meet and moved my eyes across the benches till I finally spotted her. Like an angel, she sat so peacefully with a smile on her face, watching the children play. My heart jumped to my throat then back down to my stomach when her eyes met mine and her smile fell. I nervously made my way to her, wondering how in five years she hadn't changed one bit.

She's the same gorgeous Jessica that I have always loved.

"Jessica." Was the only thing I could utter, like a breath I was dying to take in.

"Drake." She nodded her head, her green eyes piercing through my soul like they always had, instantly making me feel like shit for what I had done. I took a seat next to her on the bench and cleared my throat.

This is it, dammit. Say something.

"How have you been?" I regreted the words once they left my mouth. She raised her eyebrows at me and I couldn't blame her.

"Seriously?" She couldn't help but laugh and God how I had missed that laugh, even if it was partially sarcastic.

"I'm sorry. I'm just.." I trialed off, shaking my head and cursing at my stupidity.

"Nervous? Yeah, me too." She confessed and I smiled at her kindness.

Jessica had always been the one person on this entire planet who, no matter how badly I screwed up, always found kindenss in her heart enough not to hate me. I hope to God that that hadn't changed as well.

"I've thought about this for so long, you know? Whether I should meet you or not." She looked back ahead at the slides in front of us and I glued my eyes at her, trying to memorize her features, just in case.

"Thank you for choosing to meet me, Jessica. I can thank you till tomorrow and it still wouldn't be enough. I have so much to tell you." I said, before wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

"So do I." She played with the hem of her blue dress and I instantly remembered the thousand times that she had done that when she got nervous.

"Even though I have so fucking much to tell you, it feels like I can say nothing at all. Because I know that nothing I say can possibly make this better or make up for those past five years, Jess. But I swear to you, that not a single day has passed that I haven't loved you harder." I cut to the chase and she flinched at the word 'love', making me frown.

Can you fucking blame her? I'm the asshole of this story, and always will be.

But I'm not going to stop trying to fix this. Not now, not ever again.

"And not a single day has passed that I haven't tried my hardest to hate you, Drake. Every day I would wake up, walk to the mirror and make myself a promise that today I will hate him, because that's the only emotion he deserves out of me." She looked me in the eyes and once more I felt my soul aching at her gaze. Her eyes had a hold of my heart, twisting and squeezing as they pleased.

"Do you? Hate me, I mean?" I frowned as I asked, afraid of the answer. She smiled in response.

"No. I couldn't. I somehow ended up hating myself for wanting to hate you this much." She shook her head in disbelief, her emerald eyes moving around and I grinned like an idiot.

"Thank god." I breathed.

"No, don't get me wrong, please. Yes, I don't hate you, Drake, but you have to understand that for five years, every day I woke up wounded that you have walked away. Everyday I remembered that you didn't even say goodbye. You chose to leave, just like that, just like I meant absolutely nothing to you. Instead of asking me to forgive you, instead of trying to make things better after what your brother had done, you chose to leave me all alone. I was scared, broken and purely and utterly alone." Her eyes watered and I found myself instantly crouching in front of her, holding both her hands in mine. She flinched and tried to pull her hands away but I didn't loosen my grip.