Once Again

69

Jin looked out of the window as Jungkook drove them back to the apartment after lunch. His head hurt, and his stomach felt uncomfortable. His insides were churning, and the car's movements as it made its way through traffic was not helping. He could feel Jungkook looking over at him several times but he ignored him.

"Jinnie, are you alright?"

He felt Jungkook's hand on his, and he immediately pulled back. Jungkook's hand fell on his lap so he shifted and pressed himself against the car door to get as far away as possible from his former boyfriend. He could not bear to have Jungkook touch him anywhere. It made him feel guilty towards Taehyung.

"Jinnie, please. Please don't turn your back on me. Please don't hate me. I don't think I could survive that. I miss you. I love you."

Jungkook's voice cracked as he fought back tears. Hearing it hurt Jin. He wanted nothing more than to reach across the middle console and pull Jungkook into his arms to comfort him. But he reminded himself that he was married.

Jungkook may be single now, but Jin was still married. To a wonderful and kind man. Jin was Taehyung's husband, and he had no right to want to touch another man. Especially when the man was his ex.

The sunlight streaming through the car window reflected off of the gold wedding band on Jin's ring finger, and it strengthened his resolve. His body might yearn for Jungkook's, his heart might still love Jungkook, but his mind was strong and it remembered Taehyung. And it helped Jin hold on to the amazing person that his husband was.

"I don't hate you, Jungkook. I could never hate you. We have history together. I loved you once upon a time," Jin could hear the sharp crack inside his chest as his heart broke at the lie.

I'm sorry, Kookie. I didn't just love you once upon a time. I still love you.

Jungkook parked the car and turned to face Jin. Silent tears pooled in his eyes as he gazed at his beloved. He tried again to reach for Jin's hands.

But Jin shrunk back. He could feel the armrest on the door digging into him as his eyes frantically scanned past the windscreen to see where they were and why they had stopped. He was surprised to find they were in the parking garage of Jungkook's apartment building.

When did we get here?

"Jinnie, no... You love me. You still love me. I know you do. I can see it in your eyes," Jungkook began to bridge the gap between them.

Jin held one hand up to ward Jungkook off, the other scrabbling behind him for the door handle so he could pull the latch to escape from the car.

"Jungkook, stop! Please stop! You're scaring me!"

And Jungkook froze, his eyes so wide that Jin could see deep into his dark, dilated pupils.

"Jinnie, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" Tears began running down Jungkook's cheeks as horror set in his glistening eyes. "I would never hurt you, Jinnie. You know that."

Jin finally found the latch behind him, and pulled. He tumbled out of the car, and as he righted himself, he looked back at Jungkook who remained seated in the vehicle, shell-shocked.

"But you did, Jungkook," Jin whispered. "You hurt me that night. You hurt me so bad that I killed myself."

And Jin walked away, leaving Jungkook behind.