Once Again

71

Jungkook stood in the open doorway to Jin's bedroom and watched as the man slept. Jin was bathed in the moonlight streaming in from the glass doors separating the room from its private balcony. He looked positively ethereal.

Jungkook had always liked watching Jin sleep in the past. There was something about the relaxed posture, the innocent slumbering face that called out to Jungkook, and brought his emotions bubbling to the surface. He loved this man deeply.

They had spent the day together, exploring more of the surrounding neighbourhood and reminiscing about Jin's brief residency there before venturing into the city later in the afternoon. Jin had purchased gifts for his husband and son, as well as souvenirs for the Jung cousins.

Watching the delighted expressions on Jin's face whenever he found something that he knew Taehyung would like had caused painful pangs and pinches in Jungkook's heart. It had taken everything within him not to grab the items from his beloved's hand and smash them to smithereens at his feet.

Jungkook loved Taehyung, make no mistake. The man had been Jungkook's first friend, and they had grown up together, getting into all kinds of mischief that often got them punished.

Taehyung had been like a brother to the lonely Jungkook who lived like an only child in a large house surrounded by adults who were always telling him to be quiet and behave. Jungkook had been largely neglected while his older brother was being groomed to be their father's successor. His brother was the heir, and Jungkook was the spare.

Meeting Taehyung was a godsend to the forgotten boy. He brought out a different side to Jungkook that no one knew existed. But it was a side that everyone acknowledged was most agreeable, and so the friendship was encouraged.

When Yoongi came along, the bond between Jungkook and Taehyung was already firmly established but Jungkook recognised a commanding figure in Yoongi even though he was only a few years older than both Jungkook and Taehyung.

Just like Taehyung, Yoongi had disapproved of Jungkook's marriage though he never voiced it. Instead he had chosen not to attend the wedding. In fact, he had deliberately scheduled himself to be out of the country two days before the rehearsal dinner and did not fly back home until after Jungkook's return from his disastrous honeymoon in Paris. Jungkook had suspected as much but he never confronted the older man.

As the past began to converge on Jungkook, he entered the room and sat on the edge of Jin's bed. His eyes traced the dark eyebrows and strong jawline lovingly before coming to rest on the slightly parted full, rosy lips. He raised his hand to thumb Jin's lower lip gently, and felt his heart skip a beat when a soft sigh escaped from the slumbering figure.

How I've missed these lips, that jaw, those eyebrows, this button nose... Ahh Jinnie, my love...

As Jungkook continued to gaze upon his ex-boyfriend, he replayed the conversation that they had had when they returned to the apartment in the afternoon. He had asked Jin to tell him what he remembered of that night before he lost his memories, and the words that fell from his beloved's mouth had tore at his heart and shredded his soul.

How could I have done that to you? I'm a selfish bastard.

As he continued to chastise himself for the part he played in driving Jin to attempt to take his own life, Jungkook took Jin's hand in his and placed it against his cheek. Silent tears began to course down their entwined fingers as Jungkook gave himself up to his memories of that night.

He can still remember how lonely he'd felt that evening at his rehearsal dinner. Yoongi was out of the country, and Taehyung had stayed away like he promised. He and Taehyung had argued earlier that morning over Jungkook's decision to carry on with the wedding.

He had been surrounded by relatives and friends, and yet he had felt so alone. He wanted his Jinnie with him, but his beloved was not there. After tonight, his beloved will never be with him again.

Shattered by the realisation that he will never see Jin again, Jungkook had rushed away from the festivities. He had wandered aimlessly down an unfamiliar hallway when the pain of knowing he was losing the love of his life had hit him.

Gasping for breath, his legs had given way and he'd stumbled towards a heavy chest set against a wall, his head on a straight trajectory for its hard edges. But just as he prepared himself for the inevitable impact and pain – and dare he hope for a blissful and long coma – a pair of cool hands held him up, and a gentle voice asked, "Are you alright?"

That voice. That voice! No, it can't be. My longing for him must have conjured it up, Jungkook thought to himself. Or maybe I did hit my head, and this is me in a coma. If it is, I don't ever want to wake up. Please, God. Don't let me wake up. I want to stay here with him.

But then the voice said, "Jungkook?"

And Jungkook had turned to look into the eyes of the man that held him. Eyes that had been haunting his dreams every night since the day he agreed to marry Jimin. Eyes that were always swimming in tears as Jungkook's guilt invaded his dreams.

It was Jin.

Jin was here in Seoul. Jin was in the same building where Jungkook was having his rehearsal dinner. The same building where Jungkook will be holding his wedding tomorrow to someone who wasn't Jin.