Inside Her Head S1

Entry#110 08/09/20 Yannie kun serye

Dear future self,

Ngano confused mn gihapon kos ako na feel? Huhuhu. I thought mn gd masakitan ko after ko i reject ni Yannie kun, pero mano nakatawa man hinuon ko? As in wa ko mka hilak jd. Sakit ra gamay pero di jd parehas kadto mi angay pa ko ni DC. Tungod cguro kay nag expect nkos outcome mao wa nko ma surprise?

And after jd niya na basa kay na at peace ako mind. I don't understand how I feel na. Huhuhu. Mano libog man oi? Sukad pa jd nis sinugdanan libog na daan. Mas na libog na noun ko karn.

Di nko ka validate sa ako feelings for him. Maau ra jd kay wa niya ma reciprocate, kay basin ma sakitan ra cya nko. In fact, di ko ganahan nga magka kami. I just want us to stay as very close friends. Because I'm scared that I might hurt him. I just like to imagine na magka kami. I like to wonder how it would be like. But if it comes true, I'd be very very scared. Not only for myself but also for him.

I love him so much to the point that I don't want him to be hurt because of me. But this love I have for him, I don't know kung asa ni dapit nga love. Because I don't think I love him in a romantic way. But for sure love nko cya.

Maybe I just wanted a guy best friend and I confused my feelings?

Haaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiisssstttt! Baw oi. hahahaha.

Focus na lang kos pag improve sa ako self oi. Kung cya ang para nko sa future, then mag huwat rkos perfect nga timeline para ana. Kung dili cya, then I would know why dili cya ang para nko. Basta ako nlng sa i-love ako self as of now. I'll try to be contented that I am single. And I am happy nga na ingon nko niya para at least dili na cya burden sa ako utok.

I want both of us to improve, especially on finding self-love and self-worth. It's probably best if we grow individually first. And maybe if we already know ourselves, if we already know our purpose, if we are already 100% whole, maybe we could try to love again.

I honestly don't think we've ever been in love. I think it was more of him wanting to be in a relationship, but it wasn't love. Well who am I to try and validate his feelings? I should be sorry. But that's what I thought of it. That it was only an illusion of what we thought of love and not really love. And maybe I was also like him. I was only curious of how it feels to be in a relationship. All of my feelings towards another guy (except for him) was probably just attraction, not love.

For me love is when you accept another person despite knowing that they are imperfect. Love for me, is being able to know the other person thoroughly. Love for me is trying to understand the other person even if both of you are angry with each other. Love for me, is a mutual understanding of trying to work it out with each other. Love for me, is still being able to grow individually while being with each other.

So I hope we won't love immaturily anymore. And I hope we both end up happy to whoever we were destined to be with. Or if we aren't destined to be with anyone, I hope we will still be happy having self-love.

When I re-read this in the future, I hope that everything is already clear. I hope I will be able to assess my feelings. And I hope we'd remain close friends.

Love,
Krizia@23