Blaze Davis is the girl in the shadows. The one no one notices but if given a chance, could light up your world with a personality as unique as the scars adorning her body like damaged armour. She has secrets no one knows and hidden beneath that mas...
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t.w suicide note
Dear B,
If you're reading this, then I guess I finally gathered the courage to do it- the one thing that has been haunting my brain for the past few months. It was the only way to break free from these destructive thoughts running rampant in my brain.
For you, my struggle was hidden and silent, but for me it was a massacre inside my soul. I could feel parts of me slowly dying and fading away, the darkness seeping through. But I had to smile and show I was okay, because I was supposed to be the light in all your lives. I've been fighting for you for a long time, but sometimes I wished someone had fought for me.
There are these... voices in my head. I never realised when they sprouted roots and started controlling my mind, my freedom. Are they real or just a part of me? They're draining me, sucking the life from my bones, and I'm not strong enough to protest. I feel shackled all the time, at their mercy. Just because I'm broken, it doesn't mean I have to hurt others. I'd rather harm myself and leave.
You always told me that I was the one who stuck by you through all your grief and pain, then why didn't you do the same for me? Staying by your side while you cried to sleep, holding your hand through the night, but somewhere along the way those evil shadows seeped into me, and absorbed all the light.
You never even noticed that I was floundering and choking, but that's okay. I would sacrifice anything for you, you've seen real pain but I haven't. I don't deserve to live a long life when I have these torturous demons inside me.
The light at the end of the tunnel seems too far, I'd rather just slump here in the dark and get engulfed by it. I can't take any more of this- constantly feeling like a burden and a waste of space.
I'm sitting at our place by the pond while I write this, and I wonder what will happen once I jump off that building. Will I get that satisfaction that I've been craving? Is there even an afterlife or is there just empty oblivion? Will I be thrust into another stretch of darkness, after thinking I could escape the one in my head?
However, I do know one thing. For that fleeting moment when I take my last step, I'll regain the control I had lost all those months ago. Even if it's for a second, I'll die knowing that my last breaths were mine, devoid of those dark creatures lurking somewhere inside of me.
Is this what they call depression? Or is it something else? It feels like an illness, a noose tightening around my neck. I keep on clawing for air but all I receive are scars, both physically on my thighs and mentally somewhere in my mind. Why can't you hear my cries for helps? They all seem muffled by my pillow, and every time I try to reach out, those creatures pull me back. I can feel them abusing me, telling me that I don't deserve to breathe anymore.
