Secret Book of Fanfiction One Shots

[Hetalia] Japan - I Lost My Love to Suicide

Trigger Warning!!!
sensitive content ahead, read at your own descretion

this is Part 3 of heta-tragedies

Japan had recently read about suicide, and how when one commits suicide it would cause pain to their loved ones, and potentially cause their loved ones to end their lives too. When his mind drifted to his crush, America, he instantly felt worried for him—as he looked, no—is sad and visibly looked like he hasnt taken care of himself in a very long time. he wondered if his love was depressed, it wasnt something he wouldnt recognize, as he himself has suffered through it over the centuries of being miserable and alone.

but its been so long since he's seen something so sorrowful, that he nearly forgot what it looked like, even what it felt like.

worry filled his heart, he wanted to say something to him, at least something..

..but he was too afraid, he refrained from speaking.

he never was a person so outspoken like America is, and Japan admires America for making himself known despite doing stupid things from time to time.

He wishes that he had the courage that America had, he wished that he was happier sounding, more outgoing, and more optimisic about his life, however, this simply was never Japan. if he was that, he would never truly be happy with himself.

but sometimes, he has to go out of his personal boundries, he had to face his fears the way America does.

wether it would be the horror games they exchanged, or facing Russia with equal venom in his voice.

Japan wished he wasnt so arrogant to America back then, so unresponsive, so hateful, and horrible. Japan felt his motivation drop a little, and his mind suddenly became blanker, and more empty than ever before.

he got up to stretch, and ended up sliding his shoes on and began to walk in a familar direction he once walked everyday to.

He never was the person to enter someone's home uninvited, or just even knock on the door. He felt too shy, too weak, and too scared to do it. Yet, when he arrived at America's door step, he knew something was wrong.

He stared at the door that was open, it was so silent that it seemed vacant

He felt himself grow even more worried.

He reluctantly entered the home to find that the place was completely cleaned out, it was as though America had left this place behind—yet there was still some furnature remaining.

"America? Are you here?" Japan called out, hearing only nothing but the empty silence and his own breathing.

He figured his crush was upstairs and decided to check up on him, since it was uncommon for him to not be awake by this hour.

Upon opening the door, he felt his heart shatter into millions of pieces, the horror of seeing a corpse hanging on a fan tattooed itself in his mind, seemingly the only image he ever saw even when he closed his eyes.

Japan broke down into tears right then and there.

He fell to his knees and cried, it was something he hasnt done in a long time. his heart felt as though it was ripped to tiny little pieces, he felt like it wasnt even beating.

he had lost his love, his crush, his will to live, how is it that he is still alive after feeling such pain in his heart?

He eventually cut the rope from the fan, and America's body fell down with a thud, making Japan flinch at how lifeless his love was.

He couldnt get over the amount of scars on his body, or the ribs that were forever evident.

Despite all of these things, he grabbed America's hand and held it close, and silently he allowed himself to fall apart, with the thought of his own life being in shambles once more, but this time felt as though he would never be repaired.

and unfortunately, he was right— he was never able to recover from him.

Its been 2 weeks since it happened, and Japan couldnt bring himself to supress his feelings of guilt and sadness. He couldnt let go of the one he loved.

and no one could really blame him for feeling such things, afterall,
It was Japan who had found America's corpse hanging from the ceiling. that alone, traumatized him, it caused him to fall into a chaotic spiral of never ending emptiness, a feeling where he no longer felt emotionless, but rather grief.

his heart felt like an endless void that could no longer be fullfilled again, and in the end, he felt as though he were right.

He wondered if by doing this would affect his big brother, China.

A long time ago, it was encouraged to commit suicide if your lover dies from someone or something.

In japan, this was practiced when Sammurais were still a thing.

In Japan's case he believed that there was truly nothing left for him in the cruel world he resides in, because without America, what would he even do?

How would he even live with the thought of knowing that America, the happy go lucky country, killed himself.

That says everything, because if your happy ones are offing themselves, then the world must really fucking suck.

Japan knew he could try to live without America, but he felt as though it wouldnt be necessary to begin with—

Suddenly he felt angry at the thought of England

He caused this horrible mess, he was the one who caused America's suffering! it had to be.
he hated this, he hated living and most of all, he hated himself.

He was done with this shit, he was tired of living, of everything. He was old and tired anyway, so what point does it make if he died? It wouldnt even matter.

So; to sum it up, after finding that America committed suicide, Japan couldnt live with himself, so he too, joined his love, for he wrote on his suicide note to China, "I lost my love to suicide. I wish to join him. Forgive me, China."