Secret Book of Fanfiction One Shots

[DBH] Connor x reader - your eyes

Many say things never last forever, but what hasn't changed in many years was the fact that I still feel that empty hole in my heart.

You'd think it changes after you're an adult with your own life going but it just simply wasn't the case with me.

I had a somewhat good paying job, and a nice well kept apartment, yet somehow it never filled that empty feeling inside.

It feels as if it were slowly rotting away like a corpse in the hot sun.

On some days it rotted a lot faster, and it hurt a lot more than anyone could imagine.

I felt it come again as I register more information into my computer. I rubbed my neck, the lump in my throat that I held back was beginning to take place in my heart.

I wanted to cry, and I wanted to disappear. My job, my home, my own life is just so boring, and tiring. I want to sleep and never wake up again, I want to fly away into the clouds with love and a whole heart. Nothing in this pathetic world can change that fact, only I can change, but I don't, in fact it doesn't even matter.

I felt my eyes go crosseyed and I started to rest my head on my desk from pure exhaustion. I glance at my desktop at the time.

It was 2:36 am, and there was a blizzard outside so I force myself up again, and I get back to work.

The lights in the office were giving me a migraine so i get up and head over to the light switch.

"(Y/n.?)" my heart stopped for a moment,

Then it started to beat again, seeing it was Connor.
"Oh, hey Connor.."
I mumble turning the lights off and walking back to my desk.
"Why do you want the lights off".
He questioned.

"Migraine, why are you here anyway?" I ask, feeling my heart skip and rip.

Guilt was eating me, and the butterflies in my stomach wasn't helping.

"Hank told me you would be staying later than normal, and told me to stay with you due to his own problems to take care of."

I rubbed my eyes, and then ran my fingers through my hair for stress relief. It didn't do much relieving though.

"Okay.."
Couldn't help but feel sad at that moment: mainly because Connor was told to come here instead of wanting to come.

My heart hurts again. The horrible feeling was tearing away at me, and eating me up until there was no heart left.

"Connor can you go get coffee please?..."
I ask quietly before rubbing my hands together from the cold.
Suddenly my computer shut off and I sigh, "never mind. Powers out"

I check my phone, it had said -36°
No wonder Im freezing.

I shiver before getting up and grabbing my coat from my desk.

"Y/n, you shouldn't be going out there."

I glance at him for a last moment, forcing tears from falling down.

It seems to have now I took to much time. For a brief moment, I see his chocolate brown eyes grow soft. It startled me for a moment, "are you okay Y/n?" Connor asks before coming up to me.

I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know.

All I did was let those bottled feelings go.

I cried so hard, and I couldn't stop my heart was just eating and eating. This time it was like taking skin away from your feet and walking on hand sanitized legos.

"I'm so tired..."
"And it hurts too much.."

Connor's eyes changed again.
I didn't recognize it.

"It's okay (y/n) it's okay. I am here."

As much as I wanted this to last, It was my time to get cold and die.

It freezes the rotting of my heart.

It freezes the pain away from inside.

It makes me forget I was empty.

It makes me die.

I pull away before mumbling sorry and leaving. "Y/n, don't go out in the snow, the temperature is dropping by the second."

"Sorry, Connor. But I want to, I need to."

"What for?"

"To die."

I let it slip, now my life will be in even more ruin.

Yet, I felt strong arms quickly wrap around me.

Connor didn't let go, he couldn't.

He didn't want you to leave.
He didn't want you to leave him.
He didn't want to stop feeling.

"Y/n.. I care for you a lot. More than many should know or realize. I actually made the decision of coming here to be with you."

"You make me feel, y/n."
I enjoyed this warm embrace so much. It was so comfortable and cozy. I wish it would last forever but it was only so long before Connor pulls away and his hand touched mine.
Then reality came again, reminding me that he never actually loves me. It's always the same, people just hug each other and say nice things as a comfort instead of being truly, genuine.

To be rather honest, it hurts lot when people like that do it.

Connor was my light in life - despite the fact it wasn't my thing to say such things. But he was, and i was very happy around him. But today, I'm tired of living, tired of breathing. I don't want to be here anymore, yet for some weird reason I feel guilty for feeling this way. Ignoring Connor, forgetting he was there, I find myself walking out into the cold, I shivered, and my hands felt like ice cubes being boiled. After a while of walking in the snow I find that the joints of my legs were hurting, and beginning to freeze.

I don't know where I was, or what was happening but all I know is this pain feels better than what I feel inside.

I fell to the ground in exhaustion, winds were strong and only snow kept coming from the sky. Then suddenly Connor came back into my mind, his chocolate brown eyes warmed me, I felt warm inside, and I felt whole.

P2 soon