Secret Book of Fanfiction One Shots

[Hetalia] Russia x America - heros and villains

a/n ngl i like the love hate relationship rusame has

ANGST! WARNING!

-
Russia pov

America, that pathetic and annoying brat that wants to contain everything I have built.

I hate him more than anybody in this world.

To America, Communism threatened Capitalism, I can see that but never did he for once try to negotiate with me.

That little brat doesnt know what its like to feel that bitter anguish inside, and as much as i hate to wish anyone to feel what i felt, he was an exception. I wanted America to suffer, and rot until there was nothing. to make him feel the same pain and suffering I felt, as I was rotting away in a cell while the mongols ruined my mind. He knows i hate him, and always says that i must be contained because villians like me just arent meant to prosper. It angered me, so much that I couldnt bring myself to smile in such a sick and twisted situation. He doesnt understand me, I don't even want his land, I just want him to disappear or disintegrate into nothing. I wanted peace but he saw me as violent. He fought against me when I looked to reason. He used me, used me as an ally, and as an enemy. He used my ideas and achieved greatness before I could. It hurt to see him recieving spotlight I had been needing since the 1500s. I wish he would understand but He never even tried to understand me, he never tried to negotiate with me, and instead avoided me and fought meaningless wars all because my idea, myself,
and for who i was, i was considered to be a 'villian.'

so many wars he shouldnt have been in, they simply werent his buisness, but to him, communism itself was a villian, and somehow he believes hes a hero by containing it. How will he understand? The world always catered to him. He doesn't know what its like to sit out in the cold, in the dark, sad and alone. He doesn't even realize what its like to literally have nothing, as Britian took care of him.

Back in my older days, the empire's life is harsh and cruel. Mongol taking over for some time, made it even worse, but despite that, they are here today. America never thought for one second that maybe I never intended to be mean or cruel, it just seemed like it because I try to smile even when it hurts. I tend to punish anyone who does wrong, and teach people not to judge like anybody else would do, but everyone sees it as danger and violence. When i talk about my past, i always hoped for comfort, and love amongst other countries, i needed support and care and yet all they saw in the dark past was a dark person with it... me.

i dont know if it will ever be different, and frankly i grew tired of hoping for it to be, and instead i slowly had moved myself away from the allies.

whats the point in being there for them when theyre never there for me?

i hate them.. ill always hate everyone and everything, but i will forever hate America the most.

he isnt considerate or nice, but he is happy
i admit i am jealous on how happy he is.
im jealous of him for all of the things i needed in my life. i needed spotlight to heal from the mental wounds my country left in the past but instead i am left in the dark to rot away and eventully become vanquished.
i do admit my past fucked me up, and i admit i havent felt any happiness in a long time. he always seemed so happy, it was a feeling that i, personification of russia longed for, and yet for so many years its always 'cold and alone'

perhaps happiness like that isnt meant to be destroyed.
america was a moron, incredably rude, and ate a lot of unhealthy food but.. its like
america's happiness was literally the sunshine. russia was jealous for such a dumb country to have something so valuable.
in the end its always the young and dumb senario.

even so, america's happiness affected everyone, even england despite their relationship from the past. america had so many friends, so many strange yet intelligent ways of living, so dumb yet exceeds me in everything, space, bombs, you name it and the young country was better.

i wanted to be him, to have friends and be successful and somewhat respected, but it seems to show that even communism cant achieve that. he had everything i wanted to be happy. its funny how people would rather take a moron's word over a communist's. its also sad because america is right about it too. i hate that. i hate it so much that i just simply wanna disappear from
this very existence.
he unfortunately is right,
all i have ever been was a pest. i destroy homes, my ideaologies destroy entire countries, and everything i achieve, was either 2nd or was done better by america.
maybe im a villian afterall.

i hate that i grew to love yet hate the country, America. despite proxy wars, despite our arguments and challenges, i somehow find myself attracted to him in such a way i thought was crazy. tears fell down my face tonight, i couldnt keep it together no more. its been months of holding my heavy heart, and now i grew so tired that i dropped it.
I hate how no matter where i went, he would be on my mind.
there was no bruise, instead it shattered like glass, who knew i, Russia, had such a fragile heart? only i knew a frozen heart could shatter, who was colder than Russia? wasnt there a scandanavian county that was as cold as i?

today, it was a sad and dark time, my thoughts were taking over me, no longer the want to even talk to anybody. i had made plans tonight, as it would be the last of plans for a while.

At the conference,
a dark heavy cloud loomed over me, and i no longer had the energy to smile anymore.

"Russia, dude, i hope you're not planning anything"

"what do you mean mr america?" i ask slowly

"dont play dumb, dont start any nonsense, no communism, and especially no hurting people."
America ordering me around in such a disrespectful manner.

"i wasnt planning anything until now, perhaps mother russia should teach you some manners da?" i smile, hiding my sudden burning anger behind my facade.

fear flashes in the American's eyes, however they glare back with equal anger.

perhaps my smile is never enough to hide my anger yet i find myself doing it everytime.

"sorry dude, dont do anything crazy kay?"

i never replied, instead, i walked into the world meeting.

while sitting down and organizing papers, i felt my smile falter. i felt too tired to smile today. today is too much to do anything.

too tired to keep running mother russia. too tired of fighting everyone to make them see im not what i seem.

throughout the conference, the countries were filled with horror as I couldnt smile like usual today.

I never felt like smiling before, it makes me feel proud to convince them with a smile to a certain extent, but who cares? in the end i will always be terrifying russia.

after this, i hope america learns what he does hurts too, i wished he would at least see me as a normal
person instead of someone of evil or malice.

but things never change between us. kinda wish they did, it would nice to have some sunshine to warm me, as the cold gets more cruel.
after the conference, i had went home and drank 6 bottles of vodka, not even caring about the work in my study. i let the baltic states go, and i shut himself away in my mansion, knowing enough to realize that nobody will come looking for me.

it was then i remembered my thoughts and wonders back in 1500, thinking of what happens in the end.

i never thought my life would end up this way, but i suppose i should have seen it coming sooner, kinda how losing the cold war done it too.

i see no point in living at this point.

after all, all i, personification of russia, is the villain. villains like me arent meant to keep living. America always talked about it, it made sense.

we lose to those heroes, but luckily for me, i killed myself at my own will for i realize who i was, is simply an abomination that was never meant to be born. i felt it in my heart, but i know now that all of my suffering fade away as i bleed to death.

maybe someday america would understand.

but its now my time...
goodbye to any who finds this.

-Ivan Braginsky (Personification of Russia)

a/n might make a good ending if i feel like it
but i breathe either angst themes or  kink themes with this ship so idk