[Hetalia] Russia x Depressed! Male! Reader

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Y/N = your name
C/N = country name

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you were Y/N personification of C/N

unlike most countries, who actually had friends, you were a loner. each day was the same, where you would go off to face political issues or to go to world meetings. it was always the same. a long time ago, when you became a country, many tried to bully you, invade you, and control you. you were so badly hurt during those days that your country became record breakingly cold, far colder than Russia or Denmark. it was cold hearted, and so was yourself. it made you learn that you mustn't trust so easily.

Many often wonder if you had any people living there, some often think maybe you just own a large bit of land, some even assume you're a russian spy and not a country.

No one ever knew a thing about you, and what broke you is that when you tried to correct them and get to know them, they either cower away in fear, or act like you dont even exist. Your heart cracks, seeing everyone around you, canada too. He seemed lonely, so lonely that you had thought about talking to him. You saw Prussia hold his hand, and I read their lips.

"Why does everyone act like I'm not even here?" Canada mumbles.

"I don't!" Prussia replies before gently kissing his cheek.

You sigh, wishing life for you was like that. The way you see the world now wasnt what you saw it when you first became a country.

You silently wished a plague would hit your land so you could disappear because so far, the world seemed so much better off without you. and besides, you are so undeniably tired of breathing, it felt like a chore, and it felt complicated and draining.

your body felt like weights, and any form of movement felt like you got heavier and heavier. filled with so much fatigue, you rested your head, giving into the exhaustion that consumed your mind and body.

you constantly wished that someone would at least become an ally with you. maybe even have a friend... your world was so lonely that you just simply wanted someone to talk to. its been so long since you have actually spoken. you kept hoping for something that was never going to happen until one day you woke up, without even caring about it anymore. you grew to accept that you would always be alone no matter how hard you tried. you gave up on hope because you knew that it was only weighing you down. you kept going to world meetings, although at times you questioned the point of going since you were either skipped, or had the whole room shaking with fear.

You rubbed your burning eyes, they hurt because you have been awake for 3 days straight with no rest. You eventually find yourself closing your eyes and your breath slowed, exhaustion plagued your heart, so tired that it seemed like your heart beated faster than normal, it had made you feel your own heartbeat in your veins. You however, ignored it because the world no longer mattered to you. You just wanted to fade away from existence because you knew it wouldnt impact the world at all. Without China, it would result in an Economical Collapse, without America there wouldnt be freedom, without Britian there wouldnt have been America in the first place, without Canada, Prussia would be heartbroken, Without Germany, no one would protect Italy... and so on.

without you? who's life would you impact? nobody even likes you, nobody knows you or how you feel.
sometimes you wonder if you just disappeared you would actually improve everyone's life. for fucks sake, you scared Belarus. she already terrified everyone, including Russia. suppose its because she fears you, that everyone sees as a reason to fear you as well. when the scariest one of them all fears something, everyone knows to fear what the fearless fears, that makes little to no sense, only
enough to explain that if Belarus is visibly scared of you, everyone else is too.

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