Team Single (Mavi)

Part 72

"Every time I think I'm alright, it's like I take 13 steps backwards."

I stood next to Avi looking out at the miles of busy streets below my apartment. Avi sat down next to me, leaning back against the wall of our balcony.

"It's like all my thoughts are trying to be thought at the same time and none of them are happy. Being with you... Singing used to help. I just can't get into it."

"Is this because of last night? Is this my fault? Did I push you?"

"No! Mitchie. You've never pushed me. You're perfect."

I turned around and sat down next to him. Without looking away from the empty living room we faced, I laced my fingers in his.

"It's like... I can act happy, but I'm not happy. I've already talked to Dr. Jones about this stuff..." He pulled his beanie over my head, feeling the sudden chill in the air. "You were always the thing I would run to when I wanted to be happy and that stopped working."

"Always?"

"Well, for a while now, yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I knew you'd be happy." He looked into my eyes. "I knew you'd tell me everything would be alright." He looked up at the slowly changing colors in the sky above us. "It's like there's this giant dark cloud over me. Like it's raining, but only I can see it."

"I was there once." I followed his gaze to the intricate patterns weaved into the sky by the thin stringy clouds floating by. "After the situation with you-know-who, I lost a piece of myself."

"I thought you guys broke up mutually."

"We did. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt." I could feel his eyes on me, but I decided not to acknowledge it. "It hurts when you realize someone you fell in love with, you fell out of love with. It's like... It's like listening to your favorite song and hearing that the lead singer is homophobic. You lose love for it slowly until you just can't love it anymore. It makes you scared to love again."

"Then why did you?"

"I didn't." I looked over at him. He looked so cute when he was confused. "You were a happy accident."

He smiled, looked down at our hands and rubbed his thumb over my skin. "I lied."

"What?"

"Do you remember in our last livestream when I said I had a thing for you?"

"Yeah?"

"I lied."

I'd learned not to jump to conclusions when Avi started phrasing things weirdly, so I waited.

"I never really disliked you, but I didn't have a thing for you until about... Do you remember the Tin Cans Superfruit video?"

"Yeah. I was in it."

"Then. That video... I couldn't stop watching it. Even the occasional screen shot was enough. You should wear red more."

"You are going somewhere with this, right?"

"Right!" He tightened his grip on my hand. He hesitated before he spoke, he seemed nervous, like he would say something that would hurt me. "Do you remember when we were singing on your couch? When we kissed?"

"Yeah?"

"That's when I fell in love with you."