Hacking Seoul

0.3 - In a Golden Cage

The dense air was piercing on his skin. The boy walked quickly, unintentionally looking down onto the pavement to blend in more with the exhilarating darkness. He didn't know where he wanted to go, but it didn't matter; filling his lungs with the frosty air of freedom was enough to cross out any agendas. He turned the corner and relished at the accompanying swishes of wind that followed his hasty footsteps. Prying street lamps smiled down dimly at the boy's lanky figure, welcoming him to the mysterious hours of night just before daybreak. He walked on.

It was times like this that allowed you to see clearer what you truly valued in life. When you spent your days busy trudging through assigned tasks not of your own will, you lost track of what was important. He hadn't even had time to pause and debrief what all these meant to him, now, this binding life he was leading. Binding, yet intoxicating. Flying first-class, five-star hotels, demolishing city after city, flipping through T.V. and seeing his face smirk back channel after channel, outlandish gifts and proposals from people he didn't know at all, expensive clothes and colossal stages. He was living his dream. Beyond what he had imagined too. So why did it feel wrong?

He took another turn. The thrills that came with stardom couldn't have worn off this quickly. Ten months ago he would have given everything to be where he was at right now, with no hesitation. What must have gone so wrong to make him feel this trapped? Maybe this phantom unease was just his hyperactive imagination. You just don't want to leave the Land of the Free yet, that's all. But why not? Another set of deep breaths, and crispy air juiced his lungs. His brows creased in brewing gloom. Why was he constantly struggling to get air as if he couldn't breathe? Why?

The stillness of the streets was starting to wear on him. Once calming and benign, the silence was now crushing his disoriented soul like an oversized pestle. He trotted across the deserted street as loudly as he could. He had wanted to vacate his brain on this walk. To finally enjoy some hard to come by autonomy. But now the clarity in midst of his disheveled thoughts was blurring the pleasure that he would have savored. If discovering a perplexing hole in your perfect life was the price of liberty, he would have chosen to stay locked up in that five-star prison. No. Don't lie to yourself. A voice whispered mutely. He must have sensed the presence of this gaping problem for a while now; knowing full well that there was no way of fighting those suffocating practices yet still escaping out of his hotel tonight was proof itself. Ascertaining the hole was the sole point of this transgression; his subconscious had acknowledged the truth a long time ago but it took this walk for his shiny self to finally accept it. He bit his lip hard and turned onto the next street in fuming helplessness.

Darkness still consumed the world and the echoes of his lonely footsteps etched into the night sky like a broken lullaby. The boy forcibly halted the nauseating turmoil in his brain and looked up abruptly. Trapped or not, he was going to have to make peace with it. If not for his still enlivened dream, then for those of his band members'. If losing your liberty was what it took to attain success, then so be it. He could live like a pretty canary in a golden cage no problem. He stopped his steps savagely. The longer he doted on this idea of freedom the more it would hurt when he was locked back in. He couldn't let this guilty pleasure become some serial, narcotic affair. He needed to quit stealing wine and just handle the reality like a man.

The boy took in one last sovereign breath, closing his eyes and reveling at the power of open air pulsing through his veins. Then he turned on the spot to head back.

Only, to find that he was as lost in his ensnared brain as he was on the free streets of America.