NA YUTA 。feelings

▎fifty-three

Eunsol's POV

. . .

There's something so special about ballet that everytime I do it, I just get lost in my own world. It allows me to express my feelings through it.

Feelings can be shown in many different ways.

But ever since I was a kid, it was always ballet for me.

It wasn't just from influence from having ballerinas for relatives. Although there was pressure from having magnificent dancers and always being expected to excel, it was almost unrecognizable because all the pressure completely came from me. My family trusted me and my capability when it comes to my education, my life and my dreams.

From the amount of time and money, me and my family invested for ballet, I see myself pursuing this career. This is not just for distraction.

So when my name was called from the loud speakers, I knew that this would the greatest head start for the path I would take.

If I do win the competition, I'll become a prima ballerina for theatres in France. I'll be taught by mentors from the country rich in ballet history.

The thought of growing as a better ballerina and learning more about my passion was enough to give me fire and motivation.

I feel like this is what I prepared for my whole life.

With a nervous sigh, I walked to the center of the stage, immediately locking eyes with the judges.

There were five judges in total, seated beside each other. I recognized one of them as a famous ballerina who participated in many plays. Some were foreigners that looked very intimidating. But after they showed a smile and even gestured me a thumbs up, I was relieved. In their table were bottles of water and  complimentary biscuits for every judge.

Behind them were the audience. I glanced at the crowd, they were silent...waiting, just as I was.

Soon after, the music started to play...

The dance of the sugar plum fairy. 

It's a piece I always wanted to perform. 

I smiled sweetly...genuinely. I started my performance, pointing my shoes and slowly moving with grace and fluidity. 

I portray the sugar plum fairy, with her symbol of seasonal splendor and hope. 

I indulged myself deeper into the character. With my head in sync with my movements, I danced with the beat.

Somehow, I could relate to the Sugar plum fairy. 

I started ballet with a motive to win against others. At some point, I grew selfish and bitter. The drive that inspired me to work hard for this competition was to prove that I could beat others...that I'm not someone spoiled and over-privileged. 

But I just realized that it's wrong to have a mindset like that.  I do want to prove it to those who underestimated me that I'm not just a rich girl. I also have morals and kindness beyond compare.

I have sugary sweetness like candy.  I said to myself, getting to the adrenaline of my performance.

The music goes on.

I danced slowly and dreamily...

Graceful as a fairy-tale...

Beautiful as a rainbow...

Then...as fast as I started, the music came to a halt. I chased my breathing and opened my eyes. 

There was silence. But the look of amazement in the audience reassured me that perhaps, they liked my performance. The crowd was in awe. No words were exchanged, but I could see the appreciation in their eyes. I was happy until I looked at the judges.