NA YUTA 。feelings

▎ thirty-five

"Hi there," I peeked behind the girl's shoulder.

I hesitantly hovered behind her before sitting down. I dropped my bag on the grass and showed her a gentle smile.

Her eyes widened in surprise, "Oh, hi."

She avoided my gaze. The girl took another book and started reading. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Yes, I—what are you doing?"

I softly grabbed her wrist because she was starting to tidy up her things. She was on the edge of closing her backpack.

"I meant with you. I want to sit with you."

"Oh," she uttered. She placed her books on the ground and fixed her glasses.

"Let's skip to the point," She bit her lips. "What are you doing? Did Yena send you here to make fun of me again?"

Truth be told, I came here because I couldn't find a place where I can relax. The school library was occupied by the students who has tutors and the ones who are failing their classes. They are required to make up with the tasks at the library and as much as I wanted to spend my time there, I didn't want to disturb them. I was supposed to calm my heart out and accept the news whole-heartedly but coming home would only make me feel worse. Because all mother would do is think she's comforting me when she's doing the exact opposite by saying I did my best, I'll be okay or we can start all over again. But in reality, I didn't do my best, I'm not okay and maybe I can start again but it's never the same.

I forced a smile and took my headphones out of my bag. "I just want to hang out with someone."

She laughed and faced me. "I'm not very nice to people."

I grinned. You should meet Yuta and Taeyong then. I've been curious about you and if you think because your mean to people, I'll leave? Nope. "Okay."

She raised her index finger. She shook her head and looked at me with a confused gaze. "No. This isn't suppose to happen. You shouldn't agree with me."

I chuckled. "You don't really need to pay attention to me."

I sighed and leaned against the tree to support my head while I read.

"Do you know what they call me at school?" She suddenly said and I placed the book on my lap.

"Your name?" I guessed. She shook her head.

"No. They call me the freak, the outcast and so far, the most interesting one is the daughter of satan."

I pursed my lips from her unexpected answer. "That's not very nice. You should report that to the office. Why do they call you that?"

She shrugged. "Apparently, I'm just a girl who passed the scholarship exam cause I couldn't afford it and I deserve to not have any friends. Just because I'm a horror enthusiast, I'm the devil's daughter. How childish and fun, right?"

I looked down my skirt and played with my fingers. 

My parents always give me my needs and wants. And so far, I've been living a comfortable life. Hearing her say  that makes me sad.

"If hearing that makes you want to stop talking to me then okay." She shrugged, smiling like that was pretty normal.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. 

She playfully scoffed. "You don't have to apologize." she murmured.

She extended her arm in my direction. "My name is Haewon. Nice to officially meet you, Eunsol"

I accepted her hand and wondered why Haewon knew my name, "How did you know my name?"

Haewon raised her eyebrow "Are you kidding? You're the vice president of the SC, the only girl who hangs out in the NCT's table during lunch and a top student."

I sheepishly smiled. "Thanks. Aren't you doing well yourself?"

Haewon ended up closing her book and facing me. She whistled at my words. "Since when was Ms. Popular interested in my life?"

It was silent for some time till we threw back our head and let out a loud, contagious laugh.

"Is it weird?" I scratched my head.

Haewon chuckled. "Trust me, it is."

"So Yena is your cousin?" I asked. 

The smile that crossed Haewon's face dropped. "Yes, she is." she softly whispered.

"Okay." I replied.

 I didn't want to push her any further. It would take great acting to not notice how Haewon hated the topic. Yena can be very arrogant and they probably just had a misunderstanding.

We talked for three hours in the park and ate dinner at the same restaurant. We hung out a little more until she decided to go home, leaving me by myself. Luckily, I don't have any pressure to be home tonight. I usually have late-night classes that end at 10 pm. But we didn't have one today so I left the school early thus meeting Han Haewon.

I only realized how lonely I was until I was standing outside the antique shop where Yuta got me the music box. I checked the time on my wristwatch. 9:48 pm, and decided to head home.

By the time I got to the bus stop. About 5 workers was waiting for their ride and didn't bother glancing at me.

I awkwardly sat at the corner and sighed.

Seon Mi

You got this Eunsol, we'll be with you every step of the way!

This message may be simple. But Seon Mi has been sending me daily texts, thinking it would help me cope with the transfering of schools. 

And this one simple message got me in tears. I hugged my knees and buried my face to prevent myself from making any noises.

"Thank you." I whispered around the open area.

The cold air blew on my face, and dried my recent tears but warm beads still continued to drop on my pale cheeks.

 I cried for about 15 minutes as I thought about the day I left the academy and subconsciously wiped the sweat off my forehead.

The bus pulled over with a noise and everyone stepped inside. I tried my best to ignore the throbbing pain of my head and the trembling of my legs. With swollen eyes, I chose the seat next to the window. I directly sat and didn't spare a glance at the people around me. No one would probably care if I cry on the side. Just like me, they're all tired and are eager to go home.

I wiped my tears with the use of my sleeves as I leaned my forehead against the window. Ms. Bora believed in me so much and I let her down. Mr. Shin would have been so happy to see me perform. Not to mention, Doyoung and the boys, they were so excited.   

As soon as possible, I have to be able to find another school and train harder. I'll make Mr. Shin happy and give Doyoung and the boys a reason to be excited for.

That was the last thing in my mind before my entire system shut down and all I saw was black.

Thanks for reading🍁