Fear and Love Part II (Kakashi x oc)

Flashback: Nightmares

Flashback to Tsuki being pregnant with Takeo
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"Something just doesn't feel right, Kashi. He hasn't kicked all morning." Tsuki said holding her pregnant belly,"Something's just not right...."

Kakashi grew concerned about how adamant Tsuki was about this feeling she was having,"Let me call Sakura and we'll head to the hospital to get you and Takeo checked out." He hopped out of bed and went to the telephone in the kitchen.

Tsuki got out of bed and got dressed while she heard Kakashi mumbling on the phone to Sakura about how they needed an emergency check up. She walked out of the bedroom.

".... Sorry, Shizune for the late notice, I've got to take Tsuki to the doctor. Can you pick up the twins from the academy? And just push back the meeting I had today, please. Yeah.... Yeah, thank you. Bye" Kakashi hung up the phone and looked at Tsuki, who had a stoic look on her face.

She had a gut feeling something bad had happened.

Kakashi walked up to her and rubbed her shoulders,"Let's not worry until we get you checked out, okay? I'm gonna go get dressed and we'll head to the clinic, Sakura is going to meet us there." He kissed her forehead.

"Okay."

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"Tsuki, Kakashi...." Sakura didn't follow up with 'sensei' at the end of their names, signaling to them that there was something very wrong,"I'm so sorry, but Takeo doesn't have a heartbeat..."

Their hearts felt like they stopped. Kakashi squeezed Tsuki's hand tighter, having trouble comprehending what she just said to him. But Tsuki started crying, her suspicions turned out to be true.

"Wh-what do you mean he doesn't have a heartbeat?" Kakashi said, desperately hoping that Sakura would say there would be some way to fix this,"You don't mean he's dead right?"

Kakashi's ability to rationally think had gone out the window.

"Yes........ I-I mean he's dead, Kakashi-sensei. I'm so sorry." Sakura said with a somber tone, her heart had sunk having to deliver this terrible news. But she had to make sure she made it clear to them what had happened.

"Wait No no no, that can't be right, Sakura, can you check again?" Kakashi said, still not processing the news. His eyes were darting back and forth, his surroundings started to look hazy as the reality of the situation started to sink in

"Kakashi, stop." Tsuki said with tears in her eyes.

Tsuki snapped him back to reality and it finally hit him.

He and Tsuki were not going to have a third child.

He sat silently in shock as Sakura continued explaining,"Tsuki-sensei, we're going to have to give you a medication so you can deliver. It can be dangerous for you if we don't.."

Tsuki felt like she got kicked in the chest. Sakura saw her get distressed,"I'm gonna give you guys some time. I'll be back."

As soon as Sakura closed the door, she started having a panic attack.

"Oh God Tsuki I'm so sorry. I-I don't even know what to say or do or think" Kakashi climbed onto the exam table with her and held her.

"Kakashi, I can't do this." Tsuki said hyperventilating,"I can't do this, I can't deliver Takeo, there's no way I can do this."

Kakashi's heart was breaking, but he couldn't imagine what Tsuki was feeling right now, being the one that was actually carrying their son.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, Tsooks, I'm here with you. We're gonna get through this, you can do this. We're gonna be okay.." He stroked her hair as he reiterated the same message over and over, trying to convince himself that his words were true. They were not okay, they were very much not okay. He tried to sound confident and strong, but his voice was breaking and tears dripped down his face.
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2 months later

"Takeo! No Takeo!" Kakashi reached out for his son that had just fallen in a swirling void of nothing.

He watched his little silver head of hair vanish before his eyes

"Kashi, this is all my fault!" Tsuki said as she melted into the ground. Kakashi jumped out to grab her but she disappeared before he got to her.

"Takeo!" Kakashi woke up in a cold sweat, panting. He looked at his surroundings, he was in bed at home. He put his head in his hands and scratched at his scalp, fluffing out his hair in frustration, trying to calm down his heart rate.

He had a nightmare. Something that wasn't new to him at all.

He looked to his left, Tsuki wasn't laying in bed so he hopped up to go find her.

He searched the whole house, but eventually passed by the back door to see she was sitting on the back porch, hugging her knees to her chest, with a cup of tea at her side that had turned ice cold before she even took a sip.

Tsuki was experiencing a complicated grieving process that she was never prepared for, after having to birth a dead baby, hold him for a little bit before immediately having to bury him.

He slid the door open, Tsuki didn't even look back,"Couldn't sleep?" She asked flatly.

"Not at all. Woke up from another nightmare..." He said taking a seat next to her, sitting in the same position she was.

"Me too..." She replied

They sat in silence, until Tsuki broke the ice, venting her feelings and emotions to her husband. They were both horribly depressed after losing Takeo.

"I just don't understand how it happened I took my vitamins like I was supposed to, I ate enough calories, I exercised, I went to every doctor's appointment. I mean what did I do wrong to lose Takeo at eight fucking months?" Her voice was quivering.

"Please don't blame yourself love, it's not your fault. Sakura said these things just happen sometimes for no apparent reason." He said to comfort her. If anything, Kakashi felt like it was his fault, as a black cloud seemed to plague most of his life.

"Yeah I know.." she said her voice still on the verge of crying,"I just can't believe that he's gone..."

"Me either. It's unreal..." He replied,"But I'm just trying to focus on the fact that we still have each other and the twins are safe and healthy and happy. I mean honestly you and the twins are the only thing that's been keeping me going these past two months..."

"Same goes for me. That's all I could really ask for after all this..." Tsuki said as she twirled her moonstone wedding ring on her finger.

Kakashi leaned to rest his head on her shoulder,"Will you come cuddle me?" He pouted and looked at her with puppy eyes.

Tsuki chuckled slightly,"Sure, Kashi."

He picked her up and carried her back to the bed where they tucked themselves under the covers.

Kakashi needed to feel his wife's warmth, he never had anyone to comfort him like this when he grieved in the past over lost loved ones, so he felt relieved that he had someone else there with him, who he knew loved and cared about him and was experiencing the same thing he was, no matter how shitty the circumstances were.

He wrapped his entire body around Tsuki and pulled her in tightly, never wanting to let go. They both quickly fell into a dreamless sleep

They were gonna have to take this one day at a time.