CHAPTER TEN |
i still haven't found what i'm looking for
WARNING: many references to Finn and his death. as always, read with caution and reach out if you need to talk 💕
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"IS IT NORMAL to be so nervous about Nationals? I've never been this nervous before." Kayla's eyes darted back and forth between her computer screen where Rachel was on video with her and the set list right in front of her with the accompanying sheet music.
"You're gonna do great, babe. What's on your set list this time?" Rachel asked, wiping away a day's worth of makeup and obvious exhaustion to talk to her best friend.
She looked back down and froze. It had only been a few months since Finn passed and Rachel was still fragile. She couldn't imagine her ever getting over his death. She was getting better, but Kayla worried that bringing it up might send her down the deep end again.
"Um... More Than A Feeling, America, and I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." Kayla peered at her computer screen nervously, watching Rachel pause between wiping away her makeup and she saw a small smile break onto her lips.
"Those were his favorite songs." Rachel said after a beat, so quiet it was almost incoherent and her eyes got teary.
"Yeah," Kayla whispered. "If it wasn't for Finn, we wouldn't even be going to Nationals right now. We, um, we wanted to dedicate this to him."
A sob wrecked through Rachel and she watched her best friend's head bow. Kayla's eyes widened, her own filling up with tears too as she attempted to console her best friend through a screen.
"I'm so sorry, Rachel. I..." she trailed off.
What could she possibly say to make this better? Finn was gone and she couldn't change that anymore than she could change the fact that Rachel's heart would always beat just a bit harder for Finn Hudson.
She felt a bit stupid and maybe even more selfish to be jealous of a dead man, but she couldn't help comparing the same way she had when he was alive. It had always been her and Finn against each other and then this year came along and they managed to become friends. She didn't worry about apologizing to him. She thought she had a whole lifetime to make it up to him.
And then he was gone.
She thought about him a lot. It was hard not to when that picture of them holding each other tightly after Grease was framed on her nightstand and she couldn't seem to delete this old voicemail off her phone. She felt like if she deleted it, she was letting the last part of him go and she just wasn't ready for that yet.
"Rach?"
The brunette looked up with red-rimmed eyes and tried to smile, only managing a little lift on her left side before another tear was rolling down her cheek.
She sniffled. "I'm okay. I promise. I just... I think I need to be alone for a little bit. Is that okay?"
Kayla nodded immediately. "Of course. Whatever you need. Just... I'm here if you need me."
"I know, Kay. I love you."
Rachel was signing off before she could even utter the phrase back. Kayla wiped away the tear falling down her face and went into her voicemail. She took a deep breath, her finger hovering over Finn's name before she leaned back in her chair and pressed play.
"Kayla! Answer your phone, dammit! I have the best idea ever. Okay, so Puck and I were talking and I was thinking that we should totally do a Pantera week. I know you're laughing out loud right now, but just hear me out. They're totally the Lady Gaga for guys and it would definitely get everyone out of their comfort zones. Call me back as soon as you get this. Wait, nevermind. I'm just gonna come over. You want Chinese or Mexican? Too bad. I'm already getting Chinese. Okay, this got really long. We'll talk about it when I get there. Okay. Love you, bye!"
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new directions | glee
Fanfiction"As much as you try to deny it, you know I'm just as talented as you and that scares you." - Kayla Garrett has always been known as the pop singer and Rachel Berry's top competition. Kayla loved music, but she never loved fighting for the spotlight...
