skinny love | barry allen

62

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-" I wept out apologies so late at night, crying for what felt like the hundredth time this week alone. I was hugging my knees to my chest, seated on the couch in the middle of Barry and I's loft, and the clock read that it was near one in the morning. I should be asleep for work, and so should Cisco, Iris and Caitlin. But, here they were, in my living room, trying to put me back together.

"Stop apologizing." Iris said to me as she held me still. Iris was staying the night, while Cisco and Caitlin where still here from coming over earlier. Presently, Cisco was rubbing a cotton pad soaked with makeup remover against my shut eye while Caitlin got me something to drink.

Every night alone in the loft was the worst feeling. I barely left the loft unless it was for work or to go to Star Labs. I held it together best I could for appearance— especially in front of Barry— but the moment I was alone, every piece I was forcing together just shattered. I must have looked worse and worse every day because Iris had began coming over as often as she could throughout the next week, as were Caitlin and Cisco.

It seemed that they were juggling trying to take care of the both of us. But, who was I to say anything? I was the one who caused this. I broke us apart. I was the one who wanted to be apart. Who was I to cry and wither when I brought this pain upon us? I should have just accepted his countless apologies and just moved on.

But, he hurt me.

We were tainted.

A weak sob especially my lips and my chest burned. The more I thought about it, the more the pain chipped away at my heart. My heart was aching and right as I thought it possibly couldn't hurt more, I could feel it being squeezed and crushed as if it was in the palm of someone's hand.

Barry's hand.

The thought made me want to laugh pathetically but I could barely get the sound out. I couldn't understand it. Why could I barely compose myself? Why was I such a mess? I could barely keep myself together and having the three of them see me like this was humiliating. Any other time I could piece myself back together, and if anything, keep everything in without random outbursts like this. Why was this so different?

Cisco held my chin, gently trying to remove my now running mascara. "Iris, will you please hold her still— I will accidentally stab her in the eye!"

"I'm trying!" Iris sat behind me and held my head in place after wrapping a blanket around me. "She's shaking— do you think she's convulsing?"

"She is not convulsing." Caitlin interjected, walking over to the couch with a glass of water.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she randomly started." Cisco moved the cotton pad to my other eye lid after turning it to the fresh side. "They're both disasters without each other! Barry refuses to leave the couch and will barely eat— I had to force those thousand calorie protein bars I made specifically for him down his throat so he didn't pass out for the like- the tenth time-"

"Wait, has she eaten today?" Iris looked up in question, then turned her head to Caitlin.

"I'm gonna go see if there's a pizza place open." Caitlin sets them glass of water on the coffee table. "She likes extra cheese right?"

"Yes." Iris nodded, running her hands through my hair to pull my hair out of my face as Cisco cleaned the mascara off my cheeks that was watered down with my tears. "Oh— order some fries too, and cinnamon sticks! She likes those-"