𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬, jenzie.

> dont leave

TW : CURSING, SUCIDE

"johnny, what the hell," kenzie breathed out when she saw him sat on my couch. his face was plain and emotionless. his eyes were bare and his lips were glued together. his hands fell to his sides and he wasn't moving.he was glaring straight ahead onto the wall.

"oh hey," he said suddenly and his gaze moved onto her. his lips turned upwards into a small yet fake smile.

"what are you doing here?" kenzie asked as her feet were stuck to the ground.

he was being different. he wasn't the guy kenzie fell in love with. he was changing and it wasn't for the better.

his smile only grew bigger in a creepy way, as if he was biting back soemthing explosive. he comes his head to the side and dug his hands into his pockets. he pulled out a small velvet box and held it infront of himself. he was doing minimal movements, only moving parts of his body that needed to be moved. the same smile was plastered on his face. his eyes were red and there were dark bags under his eyes. his hair was messy and ruffled up. his finger trembled at every movement but his body was tensed.

"will you marry me?" he asked and then opened the velvet box.

kenzie's mouth fell open. she was shocked, filled with glee and baffled at the same time. her eyes widened and her breathing began to quiver.

"w-what," she asked, her voice hushed.

"will you marry me?" he repeated.

the ring was a sight for sore eyes. her heart ached at the sight of it. it was a small diamond, fitted into the circular metal ring. it sparkled under the light and was beautiful to say the least. she moved closer to him. her knees pressing against his and her hands groping around the velvet box.

his smile lingered, it didn't fade as seconds passed by. her silence was killing him on the inside. the non-existent twinkle in his eye was suppressed when he hadn't received an instant reaction. he felt his hope plummet into the pit of his stomach. his throat was burning and his mind was a mess.

"j-john what," she asked as her face wrinkled up.

"marry me kenz?" he asked, his voice softer than a whisper.

"i-i,"

"please," he said, his voice cracking, "love me the way i love you,"

"j-john i-no," she struggled to spit out.

things between them was not okay. she didn't know wether he noticed or not but their relationship was slipping between their fingers.  he was changing. his regular spams of text had vanished. his calls for no reason never appeared. his usual smile that was contagious was not the same. she felt it. he felt it. and she couldn't help but realise things had changed between them.

johnny's eyes widened. his lips parted and his eyebrows furrowed. his chest pumped up and down unevenly. he could feel the back of his throat sting with an aching pain. his smile dropped and instead morphed into a straight line. his teeth dug into his bottom lip and his nails carved into his palm.

he inhaled harshly, his nose twitching. suddenly, his eyebrows returned to their normal position. his hands unclenched and his face grew numb.

"oh okay," he said softly with no emotions. he was taking open mouthed breaths. deep and slow.

"john, you haven't been yourself lately," she whispered.

"it wasn't your fault, it's mine," he said, ignoring her statement.

"john, what's going on?" she asked softly as her body loosened.

"i'm sorry," he said again ignoring her.

"let me help you," kenzie whispered.

his lips turned into a small smile and he looked at her, "please forgive me,"

"just talk to me, please," kenzie begged.

"please leave," he said softly, "please go,"

"johnny," she said desperately.

"kenzie," he mocked her tone.

"fuck, stop.fucking stop pushing me away, what the fuck is going on john? what the fuck is happening? stop ignoring me! i love you so much! but i can't get married to you if don't talk to me!" she snapped.

he flinched at her tone and his cheekbones raised. his eyes pressed shut and a tear fell from his eyes. he shook his head, biting his lip harshly.

"leave please," he said softly.

she stayed still, if he thought she was leaving that fast he was very wrong,

"get the hell out of my house mackenzie," he whispered angrily, "get out,"

she shook her head stubbornly, "johnny, tell me what's going on,"

"get out!" he yelled, "leave," he then added in a whisper when he realised his tone.

she bit her own lip and shook her way her own tears. his words were scaring her but she loved him too much to let him struggle by himself.

"baby," she whispered.

he let out a dangerously quiet sob. kenzie inhaled softly and wrapped her hands around his head. she pulled him into her chest as she kissed his head.

"all i want to be is enough," he sobbed into her chest, "i'm trying and trying, but nothing is good enough,"

"i love you," she said as he paused.

"fucking hell, i'm so tired, i'm so fucking tired. i hate myself, i hate everything about myself. i hate how i look, i hate how i talk, i hate my personality, i hate how people hate me, i hate how i hate myself,"

"j," she whispered, voice trembling at his words, "your beautiful,"

"no i'm not, i'm never good enough. i hate it... sometimes... sometimes i-i just want to...die,"

"awh baby no," she said softly pulling away and gripping his tear stained face in between her hands, " i love you, you are perfect the way you are. you are enough, you deserve more than what gods giving you. baby boy don't hate yourself, i love you so much. i love the way you look, your personality, the way you talk, your hair- i love every fucking inch of you,"

"i love you," she whispered and kissed his forehead, wrapping him into another hug, " i love you so much, please, please don't think that way,"

"i'm sorry," he whispered as he sobbed into her chest.

"bubba no, i love you so much. please don't leave me," she choked out.

"please don't go," he responded, voice barely audible, " i love you,"

adios amigos
i love u <3