Jessica Grayson has struggled with body dysmorphia and bullying for most of her life. And when she believes she has finally turned things around for herself, she is betrayed and made fun of by her boyfriend and close friends, which sends her into a...
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As soon as I hang the phone up, it starts ringing again. These past couple of days, I have done nothing but obsessively plan my move to France. I was initially really nervous about mom's reaction because I knew she wouldn't want me moving so far away from home. But to my surprise, she cheered me on. She said she knows how happy I was when I stayed there last summer and thinks Liam and I need space to grow as individuals. She said if we go on like this, we'll be stuck doing the same thing over and over.
"You think I should break up with him," I said in conclusion.
Tears welled up in her deep green eyes.
"I think you know how much I love Liam. It's killing me to see you two going through this, and you won't even tell me what happened. But honey, to be this attached this young is never good. The truth is I see myself in you sometimes, and it scares me. I loved your father with my whole heart since we were teenagers. Whatever he did, no matter how much he hurt me, I always stayed. And look how that turned out. I know Liam is nothing like your father. But I've seen you hurt because of this relationship, and if you keep going back time and time again, I'm afraid you'll end up just like me."
And so I wrapped my arms around her, and I promised her things would be different for me.
Alex was ecstatic when I told her my change in plans. Esmee and Oscar even more so. They all offered me a place to stay till I figure things out, but of course, I didn't want to trouble Esmee and Oscar. I am going to stay with Alex for the summer and then figure out housing. Oscar has offered to give me a private tour of the campus which I graciously accepted.
In the background, the fact that I need to talk to Liam is always looming. He's been here several times now, and whenever he shows up, I tell whoever is at home to send him back. Yesterday he showed up when I was home alone, and I almost let him in when it started pouring rain. He sat there at the footsteps a long time, getting soaked before he got in his car and drove away.
It broke my heart to see him like that. It broke my heart that I didn't have it in me to let him in. And I cried until it stopped raining and the sun flooded the tops of the trees again.
The truth is I can't face Liam until I have everything ready and figured out to the last detail. I'm afraid if I don't put things in order now, I might change my mind once I speak to him. Even though he made me experience the biggest heartbreak of my short existence, I love him so much. The only time my mind has some resemblance of peace is when I'm out laying on the grass at night, counting the stars. I'm afraid it's going to be a part of my nightly routine from now on.
When I glance at my phone, it's a number I never thought I would see on my caller ID again.
