Heaven Knows

One

Forgiveness. What a funny word. It's so long for no reason first of all.

It can also be so daunting. No wonder it's so big.

There's only one person I won't be able to forgive ever. No. There are three but that's another story.

Welcome to my beautiful chaos. At least that's what I'm so good at doing; creating a mess into a beautiful party. Fundraisers. Birthday parties. Tea parties. You name it! Baby showers!

Weddings...Mine is the only one I regret doing.

My life is an event that doesn't seem to have an end. But I've finally learned to slowly go along with each day. There's no need to run when you have the right people by your side.

There's no need to cry when you've left those that hurt you.

I still remember that night as if it were yesterday. It's funny how I can't seem to forget the man that gave me the worst year of my life.

I was a bartender at the time. I just turned twenty-one. God...those were the years, man. Just living my life recklessly. I was always at parties. I crashed at friends' places and went to school. My studies were the only thing that I took very seriously. I didn't want to be like my mother or my father that took their careers as a joke.

Among the neon lights and large crowd on the dance floor, I saw him. In the middle of the chaos. A single beautiful sight. I was breathless with just a look.

Then a large man blocked this sudden connection I had with the beautiful stranger. I quickly served the large man and stepped to the side only to find him gone. A hint of disappointment ran through my heart as quickly as I went back to work. I know a moment of beauty disappears quicker than you can grasp it.

On that night, I was able to grasp it. On accident and obviously...I completely regret it.

As I turned back to the counter after cleaning a few cups, I saw him there. In the place where that large man had been. He had on a half smile and his eyes shined brighter than the lights at that party.

My heart melted away.

"Hey," he said loud enough for me to hear over the loud music.

"Hey," I responded back with a smile. "What can I get for you?"

"What do you recommend?"

I looked over at the counter of options and gave him my favorite beer. He did a smile that made my heart skip a beat and I watched him put the bottle back in my hand.

"For you."

I scoffed. "I don't drink at work."

"Then I'll keep it with me until you're done."

"Sorry, man," I said with a playful smile. "I'm here for a while."

He playfully narrowed his eyes at me and then straightened his broad shoulders. "It looks like I'll be here for a while, too."

I chuckled in disbelief and shrugged. "Yeah right."

With this, I went on with my job but my heart was left with intrigue. Every time I would steal a glance at his spot, he was still there. Sometimes looking out at the dance floor or giving me soft eyes. Something within me ignited and my heart pounded as I asked a friend to cover for me for the rest of my shift. She agreed and I slowly went over to where he was observing the bottle he still had for me.

When he saw me there, he looked up with a small smile, and my every sense awakened with adrenaline. I leaned in closer to him and softly said, "What're your plans for tonight, cowboy?" I looked down at his boots and his eyes shined brighter that I could see the light brown in them.

Those same brown eyes looked down at my lips and said, "Whatever you want, girl..."

I took the bottle from his hands and gave it a quick drink. I decided to go ahead and walk off. I was going to crash another party after work anyways. But deep down I said to myself that if he really is interested and cares, then he will follow me.

Soon enough, I heard his boots echo against the floor and out into the street with me. He ran to catch up to my pace as he said, "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere worth escaping to."

We had fun. Too much fun that I barely remember half of that night. But I will never forget the next morning.

I woke up with a strong headache. I was no newbie to being hungover. So I groaned and turned under the covers of my bed.

Except I knew my bed wasn't as comfortable as the one I was in. I rubbed my eyes for a moment until my skin realized how close it was to the feeling of the sheets. I looked under the sheets with furrowed brows and saw my naked body.

What the hell? Oh...

I was surprised I didn't remember much of...that part either. So I slowly turned to see who was it that could remind me a bit. When I saw that it was the cowboy, I did a soft chuckle. Well, look who ended up falling off his horse last night.

He was peacefully sleeping face down, but I could still see his beautiful features as his head lay on one side of the pillow. His broad back gently rose with the rhythm of his breath.

And just like that, my heart melted all over again.

He wasn't the only person I woke up with the next morning. But he was the only man I decided not to run away from just yet. I quietly watched him sleep for a moment; letting his peacefulness envelop my cold body.

Then my tender heart made my fingers gently run over his back. Over his soft skin and well-toned muscles. That's when my life turned upside down.

There it was. It was shining as bright as the sun outside. A diamond ring.

"What the--"

I stopped myself from panicking when I heard him mumble something. But my heart was already pacing as I looked around for my clothes. It was even worse because I soon found a marriage certificate on the floor by his boots. This time, I didn't stop myself from yelling, "What the hell?!"

This made the cowboy abruptly sit up. "Wha! What happened?! I didn't do it!"

"What is this?!" I said as I showed him the certificate; my hand holding tight of my bra against my chest.

He narrowed his eyes with confusion. "What does it say?"

"It says that we're married!" His eyes grew wide at this and I looked back at the certificate. My heart fell to my feet when I saw the place we got this at.

"We're in Las Vegas?!"

Cowboy jumped at my yell and he quickly put on his clothes. He then took the certificate and studied it with wide eyes.

"We really are married..." His eyes then found the ring on my finger and said, "Wow. That's a beautiful ring."

I angrily clicked my tongue and threw the ring at his face as I went to look out the window. Sure enough, we were in Vegas.

"No no no. This can't be happening to me! I have an exam today and now I'm married!"

"Don't worry, hun," he said with a smile. "This takes about a week to solve this. I can book you a flight right now if you want."

"No," I said with a scoff. "I don't want random people coming up to me with cameras. We have to...solve this here without anyone noticing. Do you want your fans to kill me?"

At the time, I did not see it then as I frantically called a friend for help. He had those eyes I saw so many times before it all went wrong. Those same eyes I fell in love with for the first time among the neon lights.

Yes. It was an accident. But the accident slowly became into reality.

And our reality slowly became a mistake.