Heaven Knows

Twenty Six

I look through my laptop for different articles on Multicentric Castleman's Disease and biopsies. Tyler has his biopsy appointment in a week and I need to be prepared for anything.

He sits at the couch by my small desk. His head is where his legs should be and his legs are spread on the wall behind the sofa. He plays the guitar upside down; a quiet and sad melody as he hums along with it.

He realizes that I'm still at my desk and says, "What are you doing, pretty lady?"

"Reading," I say without looking away.

"Reading what?"

"Something."

I hear him chuckle and sit upright. He plays his guitar loudly and I furrow my brows at him. He smiles recklessly and plays even louder.

"Can you stop?"

"Why? It's such a beautiful day outside! Let's go out."

"No," I say as I look back at my laptop. "I'm busy."

"Doing what?" He comes over to see and I quickly close my laptop. A hint of anger runs through his eyes as he gently says, "What are you reading, Tessa? I hope you're not reading about that disease. The doctor specifically said—"

"I want to be informed."

Tyler clicks his tongue with anger and says, "I thought I said not to do that. If you want to be informed, then ask the doctor."

"It's good to have secondary opinions."

"Tessa. You're taking this way too seriously. We'll see what the biopsy says. It's not for sure!"

"But what if it is?!" I stand now as my eyes start to tear up. "What if it is? I can't...I won't lose you, Tyler. Not when everything was so perfect! I won't let God take you away from me!"

Tyler gently takes my arms and says, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here. By your side. Always."

"Aren't you scared?"

Tyler's eyes carry a shine of sadness as he nods. "I am. Trust me. I really am. You're not the only one that's been feeling this way. I had so many plans for us. But I decided not to let this disease set us back. So you know what we will do today? Take a walk. Breathe in the natural scents that God made for us."

I look at my laptop and then at Tyler. His eyes beg for me to accept and my mind begs for me to continue reading. But I'm exhausted and I give him a nod.

His eyes then lighten up with an idea as he says, "I know just what to do! You don't work this whole weekend, right?!"

"No." I watch him take out his phone and dial someone.

"Wonderful. Wait up." He puts a hand on his hip as he waits for an answer on the phone. He gives me a wink and my heart melts all over again.

"Hey!" he says. "How are you? Yeah? Good good. Hey, I was wondering if I could get this weekend off. I'm going out with my wife before the whole biopsy thing...Yeah. Don't worry. Thank you very much, sir."

Tyler hangs up and happily runs to pick me up. I let out a surprised laugh as he says, "Let's go camping."

"Camping?! I...don't know how to camp."

"You've never been camping?! Oh my god. How are you my wife?"

I laugh at this and watch him take out a piece of paper to make a list. He then hands it to me and says, "This is all we need. Trust me. I've done this a million times. You're going to love it, baby."

I furrow my brows at the small list and say, "Why is it so short?"

"If we had kids then maybe we'd have more things." He gives me a smirk and I only shake my head with a smile.

"Alright then. You look for those things while I pack up the clothes."

"But nothing big! We are camping! And take good shoes!"

"Okay okay." I watch him run off through the house on his hunt and I chuckle at the way he lightens up my day.

I hope I have his light for more years to come...

I find myself in the car with two large camping bags on the back and the window all the way down that lets my hair fly. I can't help but smile widely at this wild adventure. I don't care what I'll face in the mountains, but I have him by my side. Sickness or fear won't take the best of this trip.

"Where are we going?" I say among the loud music.

"Where the wind takes us!"

"It's going so fast, cowboy!"

"Then we'll fly with it! Woohoo!" He takes my hand while I let my other hand fly with the wind. I laugh at the way he sings along with the radio and I hold on. Just for now.

Despite this trip, despite his loving gestures and soft smiles, I know my strength won't last long. I know I will once again let tears blind me as I sit in the waiting room during his biopsy.

This camping trip might be the last happiest day of my life.