Heaven Knows

Twenty Nine

One night, I woke up to the sound of loud shivers.

I move under the sheets and whisper among my drowsiness, "Tyler?"

I hear louder shivers and I can feel him move by my side. My mind awakens and I sit up to see Tyler shivering in the darkness. He hugs his shuddering body and my eyes grow wide at the thick beads of sweat on his back.

"Tyler?" I say clearer. "Baby."

The moment my hands touch his bare skin, I gasp at the burning feeling of it. "Tyler," I say with more panic. "Tyler. Wake up."

I can barely hear him in his quivering voice. "I'm...so c-cold..."

"Okay okay." I quickly jump out of bed and put on a sweater. I slip in some sweats and run to help him sit up. He trembles as if we were in the North Pole as I help him put on a shirt.

"T-t-tessa...I'm...c-cold. So cold."

"I know, sweetie. We're going to the hospital right now. Just hang on."

I use my strength to push him up and he leans on me as I guide him to my car. Once I put the seatbelt on him, I run back in and frantically look for my keys. Among my teary vision, I can't seem to find anything and frustration tries to take the best of me.

Then the silver color of it stands out in my blurry vision and I race out with the keys. Once I start the engine, I wipe away my tears and get it together.

I help walk Tyler in the Emergency Room. Almost immediately, security comes to put him in a wheelchair. Tyler's teeth chatter now uncontrollably and I frantically look for a nurse.

"Ma'am," the security firmly says to me. "You have to sign him in. You can't just go in."

But I don't hear him as I push through the wooden doors and look for the blonde nurse. She's nowhere to be found and the security takes a painful hold of my arms.

"Help!" I start to yell out into the busy room. "Help me! My husband! Something's wrong with him!"

Another security comes and grabs my waist which brings out a wince from me. Pain runs up my back as they throw me out into the waiting room. My hands land on the cold ground and I wince as my knees hit the hard floor. I look up to see Tyler watching me among my shivers. His eyes shine with a million words wanting to come out, but his shaking body won't let him.

"You need to wait!" security yells at me. "There are worse people here! He only has a fever!"

And just like that, it's like I'm seeing my mother yell at me with bull eyes. My heart threatens to sob, but I hold back tears as I hear him yell at me.

"That's enough!"

I see Dr. Sharpe come from behind the security and she gives him a look that makes him fall silent. Her eyes then soften at me on the ground and at Tyler in the wheelchair. She looks at a few nurses that have come to observe the scene and firmly says to them, "Take him to Oncology. Room 107."

One of them quickly does as she says and I reach out to take Tyler's hand, but he's out of my grasp as they take him through the wooden doors.

Dr. Sharpe helps me stand and puts a soft hand on my back to lead me to an elevator. "Are you alright, Tessa? What happened?"

"I woke up and saw him like that. H-he was shaking and I panicked. I came here but no one helped him—"

"Okay. He's going to get taken care of. Has he had any kind of episode like this since the biopsy?"

"No," I say with a quivering voice.

We arrive at a floor where doctors quietly walk along and some patients walk with them. They are weak patients. Most of them are pale and thin as skeletons as they tiredly take their IV with them. My eyes water at this sight and Dr. Sharpe sits me at a chair in an empty waiting room.

"I will be back," she says to me. "I'm going to tend to your husband. I promise I will do my best to help him." She gives me one last look and runs out.

I'm left alone and adrenaline reveals the bruises that will form from that rude security. But I can't get angry right now. My mind is too focused on worrying. The walls cave in and I'm left hugging myself. No one comes to comfort me. Nurses just pass by as my world starts crumbling down.

Why? He was doing fine. We were fine! What did I do wrong?!

But, once again, He's silent as I'm led to Tyler's room. He still has large beads of sweat running down his face and my knees start to grow weak. A sob tries to escape my lips but I cover them. The blonde nurse passes by as I hesitate to walk in. She puts a hand on me and I quickly look for her warmth, any warmth, as I wrap my arms around her shoulders.

But she's not surprised. Instead, she hugs me back and lets me cry on her shoulder.

"It's alright," I hear her whisper. "Everything's going to be okay."

I sniffle and finally get it together. My head throbs and I let embarrassment make my eyes fall. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Hey, it's okay." She gives me her small smile and her green blue eyes shine with sympathy. I hold back tears at her sweet gesture and take a deep breath.

"Do you need any water?" she gently says.

"No," I say with a weak smile. "I'm just gonna..."

I look back at Tyler and she says, "It's okay to be afraid. But he's in good hands. I promise."

I give her a smile and watch her leave. I then take a step. One step into what might be the rest of our lives.

I sit once again on his side but this time, I don't take his hand. I'm too afraid I might break at the feeling of his burning skin.

Tyler suddenly furrows his brows and moves his head to the side. His brown eyes finally open and they are back to their normal warmth.

"Tessa..."

"Oh, baby!" I let out a sob as I give him a hug. I hold him tight despite the bruises on my arms and waist. Tyler also holds me close and lays his head on my shoulder. My hand runs down his head as I whisper, "I-I was so scared. I thought I would lose you—"

"Are you okay?" Despite his weak state, his eyes shine with worry as his hands run on my arms. "Did he hurt you?"

"What?"

"That security man. He literally threw you on the floor. I saw it. I-I couldn't get up. I couldn't stop them!"

"Shhh..." I stop his panicking voice as I hold his cheek. His eyes carry tears and I give him a soft smile. "I'm fine. I'm okay."

"No no. I won't let them get away with it. No one hurts my family. My wife."

"Mr. Blue—"

Tyler's eyes grow dark when he sees Dr. Sharpe enter. "I would like to speak to the director of this place."

"Tyler," I softly say but he ignores me as he glares at Dr. Sharpe.

She's surprised that she can't seem to find words to his wish. He starts to grow angry and I quickly say, "Tyler. I'm fine."

"No no! They've hurt you and it's all my fault!" Tears stream down his sweaty face and this breaks my heart.

I don't say anything at all as my heart shatters at his state. He lays back down and lets out a quiet sob. Dr. Sharpe watches this with silence and sad eyes. She then nods and softly says, "Don't worry, Mr. Blue. I will get the director for you."

Tyler wipes his tears away and nods. "Thank you." His eyes then find mine and my heart paces. My feet urge to move as I see him reach out to me.

And I do it once again. I run away. I walk out and don't look back without an explanation.

I then realize that I've always been the monster here.