Heaven Knows

Thirty

Tyler ended up having that security man fired. He claimed that no one messes with his family. If only he knew that I'm a coward. I don't deserve to be protected.

But he claims that it's understandable. It all happened so quickly that even he let his guard down. That's why he cried.

"It's okay to cry," I playfully said. "But it isn't okay to leave your husband when he needs you."

Tyler's eyes soften and he kissed my hand. His soft eyes burned deep in me as he said, "No matter how far you are, you are always with me and I'm with you. That's the wonderful part of marriage. It's why I chose you."

A smile started at my lips and my heart let that guilt fall for a bit. So I laid my head on his chest and told him to stay alive for me. He promised me he would...

Now, I wait for my boss to answer so I can explain to her why I'm so late today. I might not even be able to make it today. That law firm event is so close, but I can't leave my husband again. Never again.

I click my tongue in frustration when she doesn't answer. Tyler turns from looking up at the TV and says, "What's wrong?"

"My boss doesn't answer."

"Why don't you tell Gail to let her know?"

"She doesn't work today and Anna must be all alone there." I click my tongue again and Tyler does a chuckle that makes me glare at him.

"Why don't you just go?"

"No. I won't leave you again."

"Oh C'mon, honey. I understand!"

"No, you don't."

His brows raise as he carefully says, "You are quite cranky today. Is it because you didn't get your eight hours of sleep?"

Before I shoot back, the sound of high heels against the floor brings us to smile at Dr. Sharpe.

"Hello. How are you two today? Feeling better, Tyler?"

"Much better after that Jello," he says with his silly smile. "Thank you so much for taking care of me."

"Of course," Dr. Sharpe says as she takes out a clipboard. She does a sigh I've seen before. She's about to give us bad news.

My hand finds Tyler's hand and I hold on tight. My heart stands on the edge as I hear Dr. Sharpe say, "I have some...unfortunate news to give."

And my heart falls...

"The biopsy confirmed your disease but it is at a very advanced state. We will have to start treatment immediately."

The world is silent. I don't know what to do or what to say. All I do is look at Tyler.

There it is. Peace. It's like these aren't bad news to him as he does a soft nod. There's not a hint of tears in his eyes as he says, "And what kind of treatment is it, doc?"

"We'll start with immunotherapy. Luckily, your disease wasn't a cause of HIV, or else I would have to run tests on your wife."

Tyler looks at me now and notices my numbness. He gives my hand a soft squeeze and I clear my throat. "I guess that's good."

"It is. Immunotherapy will be until we see any changes. He will have to take an infusion that is made of proteins that help fight infections. Thus, this triggers his immune system to do extra work right now."

I nod at this and she gives me a soft smile. "The cases are very small but if his symptoms get worse, then we will start chemotherapy. But I'm very confident about this case. I'm sure he will have that gone in a year or so."

I let out a scoff at the time frame she gives me. "A year?!"

Her eyes turn sad as she says, "A disease can take months or even years to disappear. But don't worry. Together, we can make the battle less heavy."

My head bangs and I let out a sigh. I give her a tight smile and nod. "Sure. Thank you. What...do we do now?"

"I will show Tyler how it works whenever he comes to get it. I'll be right back."

I numbly watch her leave and Tyler's hand brings me back. His eyes shine at me tenderly and he does a sweet smile as he says, "You okay?"

"I'm not sure..." My mind leaves my fears aside, and all I hear is my throbbing head and growling stomach.

Tyler gently sits up and runs a hand on my shoulder. His loving eyes are the only thing I see as his lips sweetly taste mine. My stomach does a painful growl and I put a hand over my abdomen.

"Hungry?" Tyler says when he sees my hand.

"I'm starving."

"I think the cafeteria is open. Why don't you check it out?"

"But I want to listen to what she has to say about the infusion."

Tyler waves my words away. "Don't worry. I'll tell you whatever she says. Go before you scare anyone else with your moodiness."

I chuckle at this and give him one more kiss before walking out. My mind wants to panic, worry, and cry about what just happened in that room, but my stomach is louder and I quickly make my way to the first floor.

I've never been so happy and eager to see food. The smell of breakfast being made makes my stomach growl so much that it makes me nauseous. Everything seems so appetizing right now; even the different meats.

But I get a plate with scrambled eggs, avocado, toast, and jam. Almond milk for my drink and I stay in line to pay. Soon, I happily dig in. I decide to skip giving grace. Why should I when God has decided to reject my prayers?

As I fill up my agonizing stomach, I take the time to call my boss again. It still rings as if her secretary were missing, too. I decide to call Gail instead and smile when she answers at the third ring.

"Hello!"

"Hey! Gail, do you know where Marissa is at? She is not answering her phone."

"Honey, I have no idea. I'm home with the kids. What do you need? Wait. You're not at work?"

"No..." Now that my stomach is full, my heart can grow heavy again. I let out a tired sigh and say, "I'm at the hospital."

"Oh, honey...Is Tyler okay?"

"Yes. He's fine now. They confirmed it. He's sick."

Gail is silent but I know she has her sad eyes now. I hear her do a soft sigh and say, "How are you?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to feel because I feel everything all at once. I'm terrified and I'm exhausted. I'm nervous and I don't know what to do! I...I just need a bed honestly."

"Well, why don't you take today and tomorrow off? I'll take care of Anna for you and talk to Marissa."

"No. I'll talk to Marissa and...maybe I will take tomorrow off."

I massage my shoulder as I hear her say, "Yes. Rest up because we have a busy week with the finishing touches on the law firm event."

"You're right." My stomach decides to growl again and I look down at my empty plate. I let out a tired sigh and say, "Alright. I'll...talk to you later."

"If you need anything, let me know."

"Thank you, Gail." I hang up and groan as my head throbs even more. Tears start to swell at the feeling of helplessness.

What am I going to do now? I just got him back...Why are you taking him away from me?

My phone rings and I see a message from an unknown number. I open it to only make my anger flare up along with my grief.

Is this Tessa? It's me. Your mom. Honey. Please call me back. We need to talk.

I clench my phone with furry and I hold back the urge to throw it across the room. So I shove it back in my purse and stomp out to the garden. Where no one can hear me cry or scream.

I'll let my heart yell at God from there.