Heaven Knows

Fifty Seven

My heart is so soft. So light as I observe the nursery room. Everything is ready. I've put her clothes away and Tyler helped me make a bag for the big arrival.

We are ready.

But now it becomes real. Even Tyler seems a bit nervous along with me. He keeps moving things around in the house and I put them back. I keep reorganizing things in the nursery, and he is trying to practice all the nursery songs he can think of on guitar.

Bird has been quite still also. Poor baby. She must have little room. When she does kick, it hits my rib and I often have to lay down. My backaches are incredibly painful and my feet hurt like a car ran over them.

It's okay. That means she'll be in our arms soon.

But among my backaches and nervous thoughts, Tyler has been a bit sick. He was fine last week and I've had a queasy stomach due to his weak state.

I sit by his side on the couch and wipe the sweat off his forehead. He gently opens his eyes and smiles up at me. Then his hand rubs my belly and says, "She'll be home anytime soon."

"I know. I can feel it."

I swallow down my nerves and watch Tyler give Bird's little foot that she's stretching a kiss. She makes my skin lift on my belly, and Tyler's chuckle makes her do an abrupt kick that can be seen from miles away on my belly.

I wince and rub my belly. Despite of the little space in there, she finds movement that makes me giggle or wince. This time it hurts because Tyler is here. She's going to be his biggest fan.

Tyler rubs my belly also and whispers, "No more space in there? That's because we're waiting for you to come out. You're all done in there. I know it's pretty cozy and being with Mama all day must be amazing." I laugh at this. "But you can be with me now."

Bird does a painful punch that makes me jump. "I need a break, kiddo," I gently say. I look back at Tyler and watch him groan with pain as he lays back. I run my hand through his hair and say, "Baby...why don't we go to the hospital? Maybe they can check up on you."

"No. I want to be with you. Bird will be home any day and I have to be here."

"But what if you caught the flu? You need special treatment because of your condition."

"The only condition I have is that I'm going to be a father. I want to be here. For you and Bird."

I can tell he's decided so I back off. I try my best to help but it only gets worse. And I only get more nervous.

I quietly go to my room when he's finally found sleep and call my mom. She answers at the first ring and I don't wait for her to talk.

"Mom. I need your help. Please."

"Honey, what's going on? Are you alright?"

I stop a sob from coming out and say, "Please just come. Something's wrong with Tyler and I'm scared."

"Okay, honey. Hang on. I'll be there in a few minutes."

My heart takes a breath as I tell myself to calm down. I lean on the doorway and watch Tyler breathe. His chest shakes and he hugs himself. Bird seems to do a sad and soft movement, and I take a hold of my belly.

"It's okay, baby. He's going to be okay. I...we must have faith. God—"

I hold in a sob and my heart jumps when I hear a soft knock on the door. I quickly open it and let Mom wrap her arms around me.

"Mom—"

"I know. Where is he? Are you okay?" Mom pulls away and puts a warm hand on my quiet belly.