Heaven Knows

Thirty Four

I'm led to a room without anyone throwing me out this time. It's the blonde nurse herself giving me a sad look as she stops at a wooden door.

I give her a thankful smile and I ask for her name before she leaves. I know I will be seeing more of her.

"Grace," she says with her soft smile.

"Grace. Thank you for everything."

She gives me a nod and walks off to help an old lady in a wheelchair. I take a deep breath and enter.

He lays there with an oxygen mask on and a pale face. My lips quiver but I tell myself to stay strong. Don't break just yet...

I sit by his side once again. I wonder how many times I'll be doing this as I take his cold hand. I fight back the urge to sob as he weakly opens his eyes. His chest rises slowly and makes a wheezing sound when he takes a breath.

I let a few tears fall as I hold his cheek. "My cowboy...what happened, baby?" My voice is a tender whisper as I say this.

Tyler's eyes start to tear up and this makes my heart shrink even more. To hide away the inevitable tears slipping out, I give his hand soft kisses.

"Tessa." I look up at the sad sound of Dr. Sharpe's voice. There's that furrow in the middle of her brows when she's worried. But I know what's coming. I remember her words clearly.

They will have to start chemotherapy now.

But she only gives my shoulder a soft squeeze and says, "Tyler's body has rejected immunotherapy. So we will do a small procedure on him to start chemotherapy as soon as possible."

I look at Tyler and his eyes shine with many questions. So I turn to ask for him.

"Will it be risky? The procedure."

"No. It shouldn't be."

"Shouldn't? So he will be okay?"

"There could be complications with his vein due to immunotherapy. What I will do is insert a catheter so the radiation can enter his system without all the long process. When he gets here, he will have his spot ready for the IV push."

"And if anything goes wrong with his vein?"

"I will retract from the procedure and close it up before there's any damage."

I look back at Tyler and give him a soft smile. His eyes shine tenderly at me and my mind takes me to the picture Gail sent me when I arrived.

Positive. I'm pregnant.

My lips start to quiver but I hold his hand firmly. I look for strength. Any strength and my weak heart reaches out to the little person inside of me. That's my new strength now.

"You have to come back to me," I gently say as I rub my thumb on his cheek. "You have to get better for me. For us, Tyler. You're going to be a dad."

His eyes immediately glisten with tears and they slip out one after another. His hand gently moves down to my abdomen and his fingers barely touch where our little person is at. I smile at this as determination shines within him and that's enough to give his forehead a kiss.

Dr. Sharpe calls in a nurse and he helps her prep him for surgery; Tyler's eyes never leave mine.

"Tessa." Dr. Sharpe stands by me as I blow a kiss at Tyler and the nurse moves his bed out. I look back at her dark brown eyes and hear her say, "I promise you my best."

"Thank you." With that, she gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before walking out.

Now, I tiredly lay my head back in my seat. There's barely anyone in the waiting room and I actually start finding sleep until I hear footsteps approaching me. I slowly open my eyes and see Gail smile down at me.

"Hey, honey. How are you?"

My response to her is a tight hug. I hang on to her as my heart slowly breaks with her warmth.

"Oh, sweetie," she softly says as she rubs my back. "You have to be strong because you have a little one now."

I smile at her shining eyes and her big smile. She then takes out of her bag the pregnancy test with the small positive sign. I take it and my heart soars at the memory of my little person. I tenderly find a good spot to put the test in my purse.

Then I watch Gail take out a small container and a water bottle. "Here, honey. It's important to not miss any meals. Especially now."

I sit back down in my seat and give her a thankful smile. "You're amazing, Gail, but I'm not very hungry. I can't look at food right now."

Gail shakes her head. "It's just fruit. Eat half of it at least. Babies need lots of nutrients that come from fruits. Fruits and veggies are your friends at this time."

She takes out a fork and I take it with a chuckle. "Okay. Thank you, Gail." My stomach does a queasy jump but I still take small bites of the fruit salad she bought for me. "Were you able to tell Marissa?"

"Yes, and she said it was fine. And Anna is taking care of your clients today."

"We need to give her a raise." We share a chuckle and quietly wait.

It seems like hours but it's only about an hour later that I see Dr. Sharpe come back. Her eyes are tired but she still has that small smile of hers.

I quickly stand and hear her say, "There were a few complications with his vein so I've decided to go with Plan B."

"But is he fine?" I say. Dr. Sharpe does a small nod and I let out a sigh of relief.

"There's another way to have chemotherapy but it will take longer. He'll have to come and stay for a few hours. This is called IV infusion."

I nod at this but my feet urge to take me to him. My hands urge to feel his skin. To see those warm brown eyes.

"Can I see him?"

Dr. Sharpe does a nod and I turn to Gail. Gail waves me away as she gently says, "Go, hun. He needs you right now."

My heart melts at her kindness and I give her one last hug. "Thank you, Gail," I whisper to her. "For everything."

"I am always here."

As I make my way to the room, my heart doesn't seem to shake. Not anymore after Gail's words. Something...warm envelops me as I enter his room and realize that I'm not alone in this. I'm scared but I have arms to run to when his are weak to hold me.

Tyler feels me by him and slowly opens his eyes. He does not have his oxygen mask on so I can give his lips a soft kiss.

"Tess..." He still seems a bit groggy so he closes his eyes at the feeling of my fingers running through his hair.

"I love you, Tyler. I love you so much. Thank you for coming back to me."

Tyler does a weak smile and softly says, "I had to...come back for my girls."

"Girls?"

He opens his eyes now and looks at my abdomen. His brown eyes then find mine and this hope I once saw in him when he tried getting me back appears again.

"It's a girl. I just know it."

I laugh at this and tears fall down my cheeks at his weak smile. He closes his eyes again as I softly kiss all over his face. Soon, he will do that to our baby. Soon he'll come back home with that big smile again.

I just know it.