Heaven Knows

Fifty Two

I have a terrible headache and it's ruining my day. At least I know Tyler won't be too alone now that his dad is there. I offered him a room for him to stay at my place, but he seems a bit shy about the idea.

So I hold my head as I try hard to focus on my job. Nothing works. She's giving me some violent jabs that make my headache even worse.

I don't even look up when I see Anna come in. She quietly drops off a folder and walks out. She knows I'm not in a good mood and now she understands why.

But soon, I see Gail appear at my doorway. I let out a sigh and say, "I guess Anna told you I look horrible today?"

"She did mention you were a bit cranky. Lucky for you, I'm not afraid of you like she is sometimes."

I scoff at this and the atmosphere slowly turns light. I look up at her now and smile at her tender eyes. It brings me back to my mother and I quickly swallow down my tears.

"I'm okay. I have a headache."

"Is that the only ache you have?"

"No. She's quiet now but she was giving me violent kicks."

Gail does a small smile. "Trust me. You'll miss those karate kicks."

"I don't mind. She knows. That's why she takes advantage of my kindness."

Gail does a small laugh. "Just like her mama."

"Hey now," I say with a laugh. "Anyways. I really want a bed right now but...I can't..."

I run a tired hand down my face and tears start to run through my eyes. Gail takes a seat in front of me and reaches for my hand. Her eyes burn at me and I know she can see right through me.

"Something happened," she gently says. "I know you, Tessa."

There it is. She pokes my heart and I can't help but let those tears out. I quickly cover my mouth to hold in a sob and she holds onto my hand.

"My mom..." I can barely say it. It hurts so much and I don't know why.

Gail leans over and softly says, "She's back." I nod and she says, "What happened?"

"She...I don't know. I don't understand why she's here. She says she's back for me but..." I wipe angry tears away and say, "I feel like I'm back at the beginning."

"Trust the process."

These words make my heart stop crying. I furrow my brows at her and she just smiles. It's like I can see God through her shining eyes. His peace.

His hand in mine.

And just like that, my heart takes a soft breath. Throughout the day, I talk to Him. Tyler would tell me that anyone can talk to God at any moment of the day. So I quietly talk to Him in my thoughts. I wonder if He can hear my heart.

But I step out of work and ask for peace. My muscles ache so much.

God...I'm so tired...

When I park at my house, I look down at my phone and see my brother's number. I hesitate. Mom can be behind that call.

Then there's that feeling that makes my heart race. So I take the phone and hold in tears as I hear his voice.

"Hey, sis! How are you?"

"I'm fine," I softly say. "A bit tired. Do you need anything?"

"I wanted to visit you. If you're up to getting something or maybe I could crash at your place for a bit."

I scoff at the way he sounds like a teen. I lean back in my seat and put a tender hand on my dancing belly. This little bird has been so active today. It's like she knows something will happen.