Heaven Knows

Thirty Seven

He knows I'm angry about something, and it makes me angrier when he does a confused look.

Men.

But I try to avoid any kind of conversation about work this week. In fact, I don't mention his work or mine at all. I'm exhausted anyways at the end of the day, so I don't have much time to talk to him before knocking out.

But now I think I'm just cranky that everything I eat doesn't stay in my stomach for more than an hour. One day, I craved so badly butter pecan ice cream, and thirty minutes after, I was puking out my lunch along with that ice cream.

So now I'm stuck eating the only thing I've craved this week: black olives. I let out a sigh before popping one in my mouth. Gail gently knocks on my door and I don't look up from my messy desk as she walks in.

"Hey, hun." Even she seems afraid of me after I yelled at Anna for something stupid in the way she organized my meetings. I have to talk to her, too.

"Hey, Gail," I say. I look up and see her soft eyes. So I give her a smile and this makes her muscles relax.

"I was checking if you would like to get lunch with us. Anna is just outside waiting."

"Poor Anna. I really didn't mean to sound so angry, Gail."

"I believe you," Gail gently says. "She understands you're going through some stuff."

"That still doesn't give me the right to treat her that way when she didn't do anything wrong." I let out a tired sigh as tears threaten to escape my eyes. So I look back at my agenda and say, "I'm not feeling very hungry today, Gail. I'll just continue eating my crackers and olives."

"Okay, honey," Gail sweetly says. "Let me know if you do decide to get anything. We'll bring it right over."

"Thank you, Gail."

I swear even my friends can't tolerate my mood. That's why they're running away!

So I sadly go along with my day. My head throbs and dizziness tries to poke me as I get home. I can hear Tyler gently play the guitar in the living room and the sound of his soft voice makes my lips quiver.

But I walk straight to the kitchen and look for cashews. The moment their scent hits my nose, my stomach flips and I angrily throw them away. I then take out pickles and decide to eat that instead. The most irrelevant foods seem to stay down my stomach.

The saddest part is that I can't even smell the scent of coffee. I can't even look at Tyler. I can't hold on to the things I love anymore.

Why is this so hard?!

I hear Tyler walk in as I look at the tiny person within me from a plastic picture. It's the only thing that keeps me going right now. It reminds me that I'm not alone.

"Tess. I didn't hear you arrive. How long were you here?" He comes near me and puts a kiss on my cheek. I keep my eyes down. Tyler gives me his confused look again and it sends anger up my veins. "Is everything alright?"

I can't help but scoff. "Is everything alright..." I mumble.

Tyler furrows his brows as he sits by me with a cup of milk. I start to stand up and he quickly says, "No, Tessa. You're not running away again. We have to talk."

"I'm tired," I say as I start my way to our room. "I just want to take a shower and sleep."

"And I'm aware of that," he says as he enters our room. "Let's talk for a moment and then you can rest. Honey, you've been avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?"

"Did you do something wrong?!" I angrily say. "You don't even care about anything!"

"What?"

"You just go and work when you should be here. You should be resting."