Heaven Knows

Eleven

I remember the night I agreed to go out with the famous country singer, Tyler Blue. We had just finished the divorce papers from our incident in Las Vegas. During the process, I fell so deeply in love, I was sure he was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

We dated for a year or two until we got married on purpose this time. It felt like hundreds of years passed as we longed for each day to go by slowly every time our lips connected. Every time our bodies collided among the noisy sounds of the city, we held each moment forever.

The first time it all went downhill was when I had seen a picture that a reporter took. Those same lips, my lips, were on someone else's.

I remember my blood boiling. I remember crunching that piece of newspaper in my fist. I remember my heart breaking once again. He had healed it so quickly and he broke it just as quickly.

He asked me for another date once the rodeo event was over. He waited hours until I finished cleaning and tiredly stepped out. There he was. Leaning against his small truck with that soft smile.

I told him I would think about it. I'm not jumping into his arms this time. I have too much to risk. My heart can't take another break...

I quietly look down at my agenda. It's like that adrenaline from last night left me...numb.

I let my hand make my pen do small flowers on the large calendar on my desk. My heart suddenly turns heavy and I let out a soft sigh.

"Tess?" I see Anna peek her head inside my office with a worried look. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just tired."

"Have you taken your lunch break?" Anna sweetly asks.

"No. I'm not very hungry."

"Oh..." She stays silent as she observes my quiet office. I still seem to be doing sad flowers as my mind turns back to Tyler's warm smile. It's not even those dark memories making me sad anymore. It's just Tyler in general.

"Would you like some coffee then? Or tea?"

I look over at the coffee maker I brought and give Anna a small smile. "Sure. Thank you, Anna." She happily nods and starts to make my coffee.

I turn back to my flowers and put my pen down. "Anna?"

"Yes?"

"You're married, right?"

She does a small laugh. "My ring finger tells me so."

"How...did you know...Were you afraid of dating him?"

"Afraid?" she says with a hint of a scoff. "I don't remember being afraid. I remember being nervous."

"Why were you nervous?"

"Well, because the last man I was ever with set a certain perspective of love for me. I was nervous that my husband would be the same as my ex."

I furrow my brows as Anna sets my coffee in front of me and sits on a white chair. "What happened with your ex? If you don't mind me asking—"

"Oh don't worry! It's so long ago. I barely even remember. I just remember being really sad and broken. He betrayed my trust. My love. He was the very first guy I ever gave my heart to and he just broke it."

"I'm sorry for what happened, Anna."

She chuckles as she waves my words away. "Like I said, I barely remember him."

I smile at her shine and softly say, "And what made you change your mind about your husband?"

Anna has a new kind of shine when I say this. Almost as if her eyes take her back to the very beginning.

"I was still very hurt from my ex, but with my husband...it was like it never happened. Like my heart...felt whole from the beginning. He helped me forget and now...I am complete. Sure. I have my sisters. My wonderful niece and nephew. An amazing career. But none of that makes sense without him by my side. He completes my day. So I said yes."

Anna playfully wiggles her ring finger and I share a small laugh with her.

"You have a beautiful love story," I say to her.

"We all get the chance to have one, but sometimes we let that chance go."

I stay quiet at these last words as Anna looks down at her phone. A big smile starts on her lips as she says, "Do you mind if I take this?" She gestures at her buzzing phone and I give her a kind nod. I know it's her husband asking how her day is going.

She gently walks out of my office and I'm left alone. As my eyes find my phone, the thought of Tyler makes my heart heavy and now I understand why.

We're back at the beginning. I used to call him every afternoon or he would call every evening. I loved listening to his voice any time of the day. 

That's what it is...I long for his embrace. His voice. His lips...

With hesitation to my wounded heart, I take my phone and dial his number. At each ring, it makes my heart pace even faster. But by the third ring, my heart stops.

"Tessa?" There's a hint of a surprise in his voice and I do a small chuckle.

"Hey, cowboy."

"Why if it isn't my favorite girl."

"I wanted to know how you were doing."

"Let me guess. You got nothing to do at work?"

I let out a scoff. "Excuse me?! I was just being nice but I guess I'll just hang up then."

"No no! I was just messing with you. How's your day going?"

"Fine. You?"

"Better. You know your voice is like music to my ears."

My heart turns heavy at these words. I don't understand. I should be feeling better with his sweet words.

Tyler senses my silence and his voice turns soft. "Is everything alright, Tess?"

"Um yeah. I...was thinking about what you said last night—"

"If you're busy today, I completely understand."

"No. I just...maybe you're right. I may not have time and...I don't know. I think today is not my day." I look down at my sad flowers and let out a sigh.

"Will some cornbread help?"

I look up with wide eyes at the sound of Tyler's voice in my office. Then a wide smile appears on my lips as I say, "How did you get here?!"

"Gail let me in!" I give him a laugh and my heart suddenly turns light.

Without hesitation, I get up and wrap my arms around his broad body. We stay in each other's arms for a moment longer, my ears filling with the melody of his heart. My heart dances along with it as I take the small container filled with cornbread.

"Come! Anna just finished doing my coffee. This is gonna be great with cornbread!"

"Oh," Tyler says with a shy smile. "You're not busy? I can leave if you want—"

"No." I hesitate but I let my smile stay on my lips as I say, "Stay. I can't eat all of this by myself."

And just like that, we let go and enjoy the savory flavor of the bread. Our hearts sing together again and erase all the past.

I barely remember any of it.