Heaven Knows

Forty Seven

The next morning, I feel as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. A weight I've been carrying for more than ten years.

And the moment Tyler leads me into the study room for my real present, I let go. I let all those dark memories of my father slowly fade away as I touch the beautiful curves of a wooden crib Tyler made. Happy tears finally fall out and I held him. I didn't care about the world around me. All there was, was our own little world.

We set the crib by my side and our little girl jumped with excitement. She was even happier when Tyler would play and sing along the day. It truly was a magical day.

Today, I take my day off to look through a rack filled with little clothing. I quietly giggle at a tiny dress and keep in mind the things I want to get later on. Money is a bit tight again but I make sure to have a separate account for my baby girl.

My hand runs over a small stuffed elephant with a smile. My mind creates a picture of a beautiful baby girl griping a stuffed animal with a bright smile. She moves inside of me with a few kicks. She's gotten stronger. I'm glad to see at least she's stronger because Tyler is quickly getting weaker.

He barely has any hair and I held him close when he finished shaving his hair off for good. I reminded him how much I loved him despite of his appearance but I knew it wouldn't work. He quietly sniffled but our baby girl's strong kicks comforted him. My heart melted when I saw him smile at my moving belly. He gave it a sweet kiss and whispered, "Don't worry. I'll be okay..."

My phone ringing brings me out of my memories and makes her give me a strong kick.

"Woah there!" I gently say. "It's just my phone, silly." I rub at the part on my belly she's decided to punch at and answer Gail.

"Hey, Gail."

"Hey, honey! How are you?"

"I'm doing well. As I was walking, I decided to look around in the maternity shop."

"Aww! How sweet. Well. I was calling you to let you know that I need my notebook that I forgot in your office."

"Now?" I start out of the store and to my house.

"Yes, dear. I have an important event soon and I must finish up my design. I'm sorry for interrupting."

"No no. It's okay. I was going to leave anyways. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Take it easy, hun. I'll be here. Thank you."

I chuckle at this and nod. "Alright, Gail. I'll see you in a bit."

I arrive at work and smile at Gail from her doorway. Like always she gives my large belly a sweet rub before giving me a hug. My little person seems to recognize Gail's voice just as well as Tyler's because she jumps, and happily moves around in there as I guide Gail to my office. I open my drawer and hand her the notebook with a smile.

"Oh thank you so much, dear! You've saved my career."

"No problem," I say with a small sigh. We fall silent as I lean on my desk and I suddenly don't remember what I was gonna do.

My little person does a strong kick that reminds me of what was on my mind. With a chuckle, I say, "I have to pee. Your voice makes her bounce on my bladder." Gail does a giggle that sends a flip in my belly. With a smile at my little butterfly, I make my way to the restroom.

I give my leg a small stretch as I start back at my office. I was in such a hurry that I forgot to lock it. But I furrow my brows when I see the door half open.

Gail forgot something else?

I gently enter and my heart stops when I see the person behind my desk.

"Jay?"

I can't believe it. He looks just like the day he left. The same bright blue eyes. The same dark thick hair neatly parted to the side. And he wears business attire.

He still has that warm smile that I saw on Tyler the first time. He reminded me so much of my big brother...

"Hello, little sis and..." His bright eyes fall on my belly and says, "Little person inside of you."

I don't think twice as I run up to hug him. Tears immediately fall out from his warm embrace.

He's here. He's back. I must be dreaming. No. God heard my prayers...

I pull away and study him with a wide smile. "You've always looked so handsome."

"And you've always been beautiful no matter what size you are now." He puts a soft hand on my belly but she does not move. Of course, she doesn't. He's a stranger.

Even to me, it feels like a stranger is looking at my work on my desk with the same warm smile. He looks up and says, "I see your creative mind has brought you very far."

"And I'm guessing your perfect calculations have as well?" I gesture at him to sit and I sit behind my desk with excitement. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"No no. I'm here just for you."

My heart melts and I give him a nod. "And how long will that be?"

He shrugs. "I've...been transferred. Promoted actually to one of the best businesses of this city."

Businessman? I always saw him as a detective. He was always into cops when we were little.

But then he gives me a smile that takes me back to when I was six and he was eight. I can't help but do a proud smile and say, "What business?"

"Lexus."

Cars? Now that's surprising.

I furrow my brows at this and he does a small laugh. "Enough about me. Tell me! You...are pregnant! Wow."

I chuckle. "I am. It's been the best few months of my life with this little butterfly." I give my belly a small rub and she gives me a shy kick.

I look back at my brother and he eyes my finger. "Married?" I give him a nod and his eyes grow wide. "I never thought of you as a mother or a wife."

"Well," I say with a small sigh. "Life surprises you. One day I had a brother and the next I never heard of him again."

He clenches his jaw and I kick myself for being so stupid. He just arrived and now I'm going to scare him away.

But Jay just straightens his back with professionalism and gives me a tight smile. "I believe we can explain to each other many things in a bit. Right now, I don't want to ruin the reunion."

"I'm sorry," I say. "You're right. I...Well...I can't really invite you over tonight to meet my husband. We're going out for New Year's Eve."

One thing that has never changed about me is I'm a liar. Someone that hides away until it's her moment to run. This time I run from telling him about Tyler. I run away from the pity he'll give me.

Jay nods and says, "Of course. You must be busy tonight with your husband. Is this your only child or—"

"First," I say. "It's a long story and I will tell you all about it soon. When can we meet up?"

"Well. I'm staying with Mom, so just give me a call and we can agree on a day."

Mom. So she is in town.

This sends shivers down my spine and I quickly push away the feeling as I take out my phone. "I've tried reaching you for many years on the only number I have. I assumed you changed numbers."

Jay carries sadness in his eyes and I hope he knows how much it's hurt. I hope he can see all those years of loneliness he left me on the day he walked out the door.

But he also pushes it aside when we say goodbye and I see him walk out on me again.

He was so close, but I never thought I would be so afraid of having him back.