I WANT YOU SO BAD (BoyxBoy) | ✔

24. A new technique.

JORDAN’S POV

        What the fuck was I thinking?

         I tamped down the urge to take back my words about taking him to a gay club.  Me and my big mouth.  I waited for him to put on a shirt and turn back whilst I was literally naked apart from the white towel which was tied around my waist which was precariously hanging low. 

        There was no need for me to feel vulnerable right now because I have seen every inch of his body.  And to say how he took it as a champ surprised me.  I never saw the disgust I saw when I was screwing around with the supposedly straight guys at my school.  I saw unadulterated lust in Nick’s eyes which kicked up the notch in my heart-beat-O meter. 

        The meter was relentless for the past few days and I could not lie to myself and say that it was not because of his proximity or the casual smiles thrown my way by Nick.  I didn’t know what to do in these situations because it was the first time when someone was reciprocating my feelings genuinely.  Deacon was just a pawn in Brayden’s manipulation.  So, when Nick sends his heart eyes in my direction my own heart just wants to jump up and sequel in excitement because it was its first time feeling love.  Love. 

       Trust Nick to show me something beautiful for the first time.

       But still, I am in the motive of myself, and I am not going to change that because of my heart.  And I also know it was just a matter of time before I scum bagged to the temptation. 

        Nick eyed me warily before stepping into my space.  Leaning down he took my cheeks in both of his hands and gently placed his lips on mine.  I made him doubt himself.  He had to even ask permission before pecking my lips.  Feeling ashamed I pressed my lips tighter to feel his warmth spread through me again. 

        Languidly moving our lips in rhythm, I lost the track of time when he pulled back.

       “I believe one day you can trust me for who I am.”  He slipped away from my arms and I suddenly felt cold all over. 

        I wanted to shout that I love him and If I didn’t trust him how could I ever love him and trust him with my body, but I swallowed my words and wordlessly nodded.  I know I should tell him, but I had a very good reason not to.

       First, he doesn’t know my full story and even if he did there was no way I could start fresh with him knowing that the life I left behind was a mess.  And second, I wanted to find myself.  I was always about living the life my parents wanted and steeling myself against my genuine wishes and I wanted to know how I would feel.  Would I feel free?  Finally, to cut ties with all the things holding me back.  I wanted to know.

      So, when I did that, I didn’t want to string Nick along.  And him experimenting didn’t escape my concern.  I may be a scapegoat to him, but I also know he likes me, and I didn’t want him to see my ugly parts which I sealed within myself for years.  So, it was good for both of us to be separate.  Maybe after I cleared the mess, I was in I could be with him.  Maybe.

       He nodded in agreement.  It was awkward standing next to each other after worshiping every inch of his body and only nodding heads. 

       “So, the club.  When are we going?”  He asked.

        Eager much? I snapped at him inside my head.

        “I don’t know.  After exams, maybe?” 

         “Sure.”  He agreed.

        We stood there staring at each other.  I didn’t know who came at who first, but we clashed together in a move of lighting going at each other.