pens, paper, and a volleyball player | k. tobio

18

BEEP

Seijoh vs Kurasuno. The game everyone had been waiting for. This was due to the fact that last time we played them, to put it harshly, we got our ass beat in the 3rd set. This time however Oikawa was going to be playing for the whole game.

Toruu was up first to serve as expected. My eyes were peeled at the setter, I didn't once blink however all of a sudden Seijoh scored their first point. An ace to start off the match.

"Kyaa! Nice serve oikawa!!" I learn his fangirls up in the stands yell out.

I already know how the vibe of this match is going to go. That vibe being how unknowingly invested I get that I snap the lead off of a pencil and have to sharpen it 20 times.

Oikawa serves again but this time it was saved by nishinoya. The lead on my pencil lives another day...or another few minutes.

It gets sent to Kageyama who has to think fast considering Seijoh"s blockers were already ready to strike us down. Almost seamlessly he dumped the ball back over the net and landed us our first point.

The match went on. The tension and atmosphere was so thick and tight it felt like a rope being pulled against itself. Seijoh kept their lead and Kageyama's eyes stayed glued to their setter like a magnet getting pulled to metal.

This was clearly not keeping his head straight so he got subbed out with Sugawara. Clearly not okay with this, his dark aura scared everyone else in the substitute box. If there's a pattern I'm noticing with this team it's that they sure as hell hate missing out on the action, especially our neurotic setter.

Suga played well but sadly that wasn't enough for Kurasuno to catch up since Seijoh took the first set. Although that wasn't something we should dwell on. The previously pissed setter had cooled off and was able to play again and the team wanted this win more than anyone else.

Suga pulled Kageyama aside to tell him something. I'm assuming it was similar to what he said to him during our practice match with the association team, with a few changes of course, but whatever it was seemed to have helped lift spirit.

Not much of a surprise considering Sugawara has a way with telling people what they need to hear...its honestly frightening in the most positive way.

This set was much more enjoyable to watch. This could be because we ended up winning it so I have a little bit of a bias but the team genuinely seemed to have gotten their shit together and get their head back into the game.

Lucky number three...

—

Whoever said three was a lucky number clearly have never played a single volleyball match.

The third set was painful. I wanted to melt into the bench I was sitting on. Our team played well and played their hardest, that wasn't the problem here. The problem was that our hardest today wasn't able to match Seijoh.

Loss is such a complicated emotion. On one hand you are the loser. You had a goal set in mind and you fell short to the hand of your opponent. On the other hand are the people who were with you the whole fight. You didn't want to let them down but you also don't want them to see you so defeated; but no matter how hard you try to hide it they can sense it. The stomach turning feeling of positivity that is almost like a position leaving your lips. You know it doesn't help but maybe if they saw a smile it would ease their pain.

I look over to the other side of the net and watch the light teal and white school celebrate.

And on the other other hand are the winners. The resentment you feel towards them and their cheers but you remember you'd be doing the same thing as them so you have no room to talk. Jealousy still rushes through your veins. "How could they be celebrating at a time like this?" You ask yourself despite knowing the answer is ringing at back of your head.

How people, how a group of people, how a team deals with loss is where you'll find you'll see their true colors. They way they get themselves down and still seem to pick each other back up, the way they push forward with determination only using it as fuel for their stamina, and the way they bond subconsciously over something no one can put into words.

Kageyama notices me scribbling profusely in my notebook next to the vending machine at school. It's all I've done since we got back. In comparison he's been silent since we got back as well. He sit's next to me, doing just that, staying silent listening to the pen. Neither of us say a word.

Not to sound like a masochist but I like it. I don't like it in the moment it happens but I like seeing what comes out of it. Days, weeks, months, later. It gives a sense of hope. Hope being another feeling too complex to summarize in a simple sentence or two. Without failure there would be no success, or however that saying goes.

Not to mention sorrow is a great source materiel...it leaves room for development.

I put my pen down finally making eye contact with the raven haired boy.

"Busy?" He just mumbles.

"Sorrow is a great source material..." I laugh a bit only to realize he's not in the mood for jokes.

We sit in silence for a while before he begins to think out loud. "I should've stayed focused."

I just sighed to myself. "That's not it."

"Then I should have played better."

"Come one."

"Practiced more."

"Kags." I call out.

"Oh I know, it's the fact that I'll never reach oikawa's level." He begins to spiral into his own self deprecation.

"Kageyama." I interrupted him. 'You and I both know what you're saying isn't true. You're putting all the blame and pressure onto yourself. You can't pin-point where you went wrong so everything becomes a bigger problem than it is."

"How is anything I said not a problem."

"Well you put more time and practice into volleyball than I thought was even humanly possible. Your drive and determination mixed with your passion for the sport is impeccable. Also the only reason you say you'll never reach Oikawa's level is because you're so caught up in what he is doing that you're blind to your own progress and your own pure skill. I mean you're able to set to kid who closes his eyes and you do it like it's nothing. Like that's a normal Tuesday for you. And to go back to your focus, I won't sugar coat it, yeah you should work on it, but you did. During the second and third set you were way more focused on the game than the first time. That's an improvement on its own."

We sat in silence after that. Watching the random birds that would fly down to peck at the leftover lunch spills. Listening to the wind that would echo through the roofs of the outside walkways.

"Thanks for that..." he says.

"Of course." I nod my head and give him a genuine smile. "Anytime."