professional heartbreaker | 제이✓

23 : i didn't know it will hurt this much

twentythree:

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I slightly opened my eyes, feeling the sunset striking on my face and telling me to get up for a new morning.

The black and gray motifs of his room welcomed my eyes as I wake up. I can remember it. I am inside his room again.

Everything that happened last night was way too vivid for me to forget. Even though i was drunk, I was completely sober when he said those words.

Jiwon... So he's still not over his ex.

After everything that we did.. He's still not over her.

I didn't know it will hurt this much. I am too upset. Tears started pooling on my eyes as i shut them close, pressing my palms on both of my eyes to prevent myself from crying any more further.

Why am i fvcking crying? you are better than this, Jeon Haru!! You told yourself you'll never cry because of a guy again, right? You promised yourself you'll never be sad because of a man!!

You are the strong heartbreaker Jeon Haru....

Where is that Jeon Haru now? Why is it so freakin painful?

"fvck this..."
I whispered to myself wiping the tears flowing on my eyes.

"Love..."
I heard the door opening, i looked up only to see Jay holding a tray of morning breakfast with a small smile curving on his lips.

"Good morning... I brought you breakfast."
He whispered, smiling ever so lightly.

"Jay..."
I tried hiding my face by turning towards the other direction while wiping my tears. but it seems like he already saw me crying. the smile on his face suddenly faded and it changed into a worried look. He rested the tray of the breakfast he made on the bedside table before crawling on the bed, softly holding my chin afterwards making me turn towards him.

"W-Why are you crying? Are you hurt? Did I...."
A hint of confusion suddenly appeared on his eyes as he gently raise my chin to check for marks on my neck.

"nothing happened last night.."
I simply said, looking away as i took his hand away from me, he then sighed, raking his fingers on his soft silky hair while shutting his eyes close.

"I'm sorry... I won't forgive myself if I will ever touch you without your permission.."
he apologetically smiled at me, making me think of something.

I just realized that whenever he wanted contact, he never force it to happen. he always ask for my consent first. he always ask for permission.

'What if I tell you I want to?'

'Would you mind if I remove them for you?'

'Can I kiss you?'

He's way too gentle. he's way too caring to the point that I have fallen for everything he did. anybody else will  fall for him. he's a great guy afterall.

But everything he did were just fake.

he's still not over his ex. I am nothing but a past-timer for him. I realized that very clearly.

"what makes you think that you touched me without my permission?"
i asked him, looking on his eyes. he simply shrugged his shoulder, leaning towards me to wipe the tear that escaped on my eye.