Falling all in you

Chapter 39

A while after Valentina and Rosa left, I had another visitor. Russell. Oh wow, what a day!

"Russell, come in." I said, signalling him to come in.

"Sorry, I should've called."

"Nonsense. It's okay, what's up?" He sat down and I sat across from him.

"I just wanted to follow up on any updates you had with Salvador."

I paused. Oh boy. I thought. Should I tell him? Shit. I just looked blank.

"Tanner? Fhallon?" he snapped his fingers at me. I don't think avoiding the question would make him go away Fhallon.

"Sorry, what?"

"Updates on the Salvador story. You promised that you would keep me in the loop. And since he's been in town for quite a while now, I thought you might have something now. Well I assumed you already talked with him, considering the circumstances," he reiterated.

"Yeah, I uh ... " I paused. I really didn't know what to say. I can't tell him either. I'm not worried about Carlos. It's Rosa and Valentina who I was worried about and how this would affect them. I'm also worried about who Salvador could hurt if I publish this story. If I decide not to tell Russell how the interview went, he's going to be pissed.

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." I continued as I stood up and walked over to my desk and pretended I was looking for something. "But yes, I interviewed Salvador, few weeks back." My back was turned to him."

"And?" he asked curiously.

"I got nothing. He avoided most of the questions I asked so it was a dead end," I said.

There was silence after that.

"Turn around." I heard him asked and I knew he was standing up now because I heard the cushions.

I didn't want to turn around because he would know that I was lying. He's my friend, of course he would know and I don't want to lie to him but I had to.

"Why?" I asked, keeping my voice firm and not shook.

"Just turn around," his voice bold.

I slowly turned, my eyes on the ground and I tried to play it cool and held onto the edge of the desk.

"Look at me," he said and I didn't even look up. And when I did, I asked him laughing what he was doing.

"You're lying. I can tell you're lying. You're hiding something, aren't you?"

"Pfft ...no" I said, waving him off. "I seriously have nothing. I think ...... I ummm just gonna find another lead."

"I knew you would do this. I knew it from the beginning." His tone was starting to change.

"What? I don't know what you're talking ----" I tried to say but he cut me off.

"Cut the bullshit. I know you for a long time and I know when you're not telling me everything. I can feel it. You're protecting him, you're protecting all of them. I knew he would get to you."

"Who? Russell, you need to stop ----" he cut me off again.

"Carlos, who else? You know very damn well who I'm talking about," he walked from side to side of the couch, his fingers running through his hair. "Is he also the reason --- why you don't feel the same way about me?" He paused, looking straight at me. I hesitated when he asked because I was confused. He just accused me of so many things so quickly I can't even think straight. He sighed. He turned to leave.

"Wait," I walked over to him. He stopped and looked at me. "Russell, this is my story. Don't you think you're being a little unfair here? I'm not done yet and If I feel like the pieces are all together in a way that makes sense then of course I'll let you know. You gotta give me time."

He shook his head. "Just answer me one thing , is there anything going on with you and Carlos?"

I hesitated again. Seriously, it's a simple question but I didn't know why I didn't answer straight away.

He shook his head and turned to leave. I grabbed him by the arm to try and explain.

"Let me go. I can't do this. I thought I could ... be friends and move on but I can't ... my feelings for you right now .... they're too strong. We can't be friends ... I can't be friends with you anymore."

"You're being unfair, I thought this was about the story, you can't just -"

"It was never just about the story Fhallon." He snapped. "I told you how I felt. And I think I know now I will never get a chance with you."

"Carlos and I are nothing .... we're just friends .... well, we were...." I stuttered.

"Did anything happen between the two of you, that was my question, just answer it .... please .... it would make everything easier .... please.... just please." His eyes, saddened me.

"We kissed ... but trust me .... it was nothing. It was nothing." I sighed thinking about the argument I had with Carlos and he said that it was nothing to him.

He shook his head, looking disappointed and head to the door. As he reached for the doorknob, he paused and looked over his shoulder. "People kiss because they have feelings Fhallon and just so you know, someone like you, you're not that hard to have feelings for. I should know. Call me when you decide to let me on this story." He closed the door behind him but what he said hit me in a weird way. How can I fix things with him? Time and space Fhallon. Time and space, I heard my inner guru advised.