Into the Light

57 Anna's POV

Colby's lips turned up into a little smirk. It wasn't unkind though, just humorous. "Maybe you thought it was," he replied. "But, I would've stopped it before it went too far." Why would he stop it? Did he not find me attractive? I knew that I didn't look or dress like the other girls that I had seen around, but I always felt like he was attracted to me. Had I been wrong? "Why?" I asked, quietly. "Why what?" he replied, looking confused. "Why would you stop it? Isn't that what you want?" I asked. I didn't know if I was ready to hear his answer. My heart thudded hard inside my chest, waiting for the rejection that I knew was coming. He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips. After pressing a soft kiss to it, he smiled. "More than you could ever know," he replied. "I want you so much that it physically hurts me to resist you. And you don't make it easy." His eyes traveled over me, making my face flush. "Then why?" I asked. I wanted to understand. I knew that he wasn't a virgin, so why wouldn't he want to be with me, in that way? He sighed and scooted over a little, before patting the space beside him. I sat down, drew my legs up under me, and faced him. "Because, Anna," he started, moving his eyes from my legs to meet my gaze. "Your first time is supposed to be special. Not some random quickie in a hotel room. I wish that I would've waited until it was special. Instead, I had a quickie in a bathroom stall, with a girl that I barely knew. I can never take that back." He rubbed his thumb over the skin of my hand, and it sent goosebumps over me. "You told me that you wanted to wait until marriage," he continued. "I'm nowhere near ready to get married and I don't know when I will be, but I do know that I don't want to take that from you. Not if you don't want me too." I looked down at our connected hands, and thought about what he had said. I had told him that, and I had meant it. There was something about him though...I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. Emotions started to overtake me, and I felt my eyes prick with unshed tears. I looked back up and met those gorgeous blue eyes. "I don't know what I want," I choked out. "I-" The words were hard to find to explain to him what I was feeling. "I've never...felt the way that you make me feel. I've never...wanted someone like this. Not really." I felt flames stoking my cheeks, but I had to get this out. "I've never had someone kiss me the way that you do, or had anyone's hands on my body. Not like I've let you. You make me feel...special, I guess, and..." I let my voice trail off, embarrassment clogging my throat. "What?" he asked. I sighed, and looked away. "Sexy," I whispered. "You make me feel sexy and wanted. I've never felt that way before. Pretty, maybe sometimes, but never really wanted." He reached out and took a lock of my hair in between his fingers. "How is that possible?" he mused. I looked back at him, and almost melted. The intensity was back. The longing, the want, the look that made me feel like clenching my legs together for some reason. The look that had me wanting to throw all of my morals to the wind and just dive right in. "How has no man ever made you feel wanted?" he asked again. I shrugged, and kept my gaze locked on his. How was I supposed to answer questions when he was hypnotizing me? "Uh," I replied, sounding as stupid as I could. I cleared my throat and tried again. "I don't know. I've had guys tell me I'm pretty and ask me out. Things were a little different back then though. At least for me. I went on a few dates but when I knew that that guy wouldn't be in my life for long, I didn't bother making it work. If I kissed them, and there was no spark, then there were no more dates. If they were vulgar, then the same thing." I swallowed nervously, and he just smiled. "You had high standards. I can respect that," he replied. "I actually was raised with a lot of the same beliefs as you. Waiting until marriage is a respectable choice. It wasn't something that I followed, for my own reasons, but I was a kid." I bit her lip and looked down at our joined hands again. "Do you regret not waiting?" I asked, timidly. I didn't know what I wanted his answer to be. He was quiet for so long, that I looked up to see if something was wrong. There were little wrinkles in his forehead, and tiny creases by his eyes, as if he were in deep thought. "I don't know," he said, then sighed heavily. "I wish that my first time had been more special, for sure, but to think that I would still be a virgin if I was waiting for marriage? That's a tough call for this day and age. The entire world is focused on women wearing less and less clothes and calling it fashion. Making it the norm. Shows and movies make sex between teenagers the expectation, instead of trying to prevent it. While I know that I could be strong enough to overcome the need or want for sex, I'm not sure that I really want too." This conversation was already deep, and now he really went deeper. "So, you're basically saying that it's too much fun, or something, to give up?" I asked. My heart sank a little because I wondered what would happen if I decided to stay true to my current path. What if I decided to stay a virgin until marriage? Would he be able to wait for me? Would he even want to wait? Probably not. He was surrounded by beautiful women who would willingly give themselves to him. Probably already had. He smiled a little and chuckled. "I'm not going to lie. It is fun and it does feel good. But it's meaningless unless it's with the right person. It becomes this void that you keep trying to fill, but it only grows deeper." I bit my lip and chewed, thinking his words over. Would I have given myself to him a few minutes ago? The fuzziness in my head from the drinking probably hadn't helped, but that hadn't been the entire reason that I was thinking about it.