back on track

44. the one where I leave a few details out

I had tried my best to rid of my puffy red eyes, but I think I had only made them worst, so now walking back to the guys there was no doubt that they would notice that I had been crying. I took a deep breath and opened the door making my way to my friends.

"You've been crying" Carlos stated beating Lando by a second.

"Did Pierre say something?" Charles let out and all three of us turned to look at him. This was going to be amazing.

"Pierre, how does Pierre related to this?" Lando asked and he didn't sound too happy even though he did his best keeping it to himself.

"No, nothing like that" I was quick to interrupt the guys. Carlos was just sitting confused not really knowing what was going on and I think he didn't really care about anything but the fact that I had been crying and if I was okay. Charles looked like he was second away from calling his best friend and yell at him for making me cry and then there was Lando who looked half upset by the fact that I had lied going to bathroom and instead called the guy I had slept with and half worried if I was okay.

"So what is it then? You weren't crying when I left" Charles was sure it had something to do with Pierre, and well he was kind of right but it was nothing bad.

Lando didn't say anything he just stared at me looking a little hurt, which broke my heart a bit.

"Are you okay?" it was Carlos' turn to open his mouth I nodded to the guy.

"Okay, here we go" I said quietly to myself knowing there was no avoiding this any longer, Pierre had been right. "So I'm gonna ask you not the ask how or why or when, just listen" I said looking down sitting next to Carlos on the table. I looked around and all three nodded.

"There is a reason why I called Pierre and didn't come to any of you" I said staring at Lando trying to make it clear that I would've if I had been brave enough to tell these things before. I was little scared to be honest. I knew Charles had known Anthoine too, maybe not as well as Pierre but still.

"Go on" Carlos nodded smiling me softly noticing how uncomfortable I was.

"Yeah so, Lando is right, I did kart when I was younger" I began trying to keep it just in important parts not really going any deeper than the surface.

"Wait what?" both Ferrari drivers looked at me in disbelieve.

"Yeah, not much!" I jumped in. "Just you know couple of years and mostly in Finland for fun" I was coloring the story quite a bit already by now. "So I did couple of these kind of camps in Germany and France I think" I tried to remember where I had been.

"For fun to my ass" Carlos mumbled next to me and I looked at him my mouth open.

"Shut up" I told the guy and got back to my story which was about get harder for me to tell. "So we were paired up in one of those trips with older drivers, like to be kind of your tutor inside the sport" I explained to the three guys with their eyes glued to me.

"I was asked to do that" I could see I had unlocked a memory in Charles that he didn't knew he had and quickly his face turned to a sad smile. "Anthoine did that, he always gave me crap about it, and how it was actually so cool. He loved the guy he was tutoring, or was it a girl I don't remember" he said with a small smile playing on his lips and my heart was beating waiting if the guy would put the pieces together.

"It was him wasn't it? That's why you talked to Pierre and that's why you've been little off this weekend?" Lando said quietly.

"Yeah, and he was right about it being pretty cool" I smiled to the memories trying to blink my eyes to stop the tears before they even got out, I hadn't been able to really talk about the whole Anthoine situation to anyone before coming here as my parents and Vik didn't really knew about him or his passing as they were living in England and busy with football and their lives so this was the first time I had a chance to talk about it, and I think that's why it was yet hard not to cry. Charles was just staring at me in awe not really knowing how to react, I also think he knew that I was telling them a big fat lie about racing being just a hobby for me, but to my surprise he didn't say anything.