ᑭᖇᗴᑕIOᑌՏ

Bɪʀᴅ

   Father has arrived home.

   Leif immediately broke the hug he was giving to his sister, and ran towards the tired looking man.

   He was wearing his usual, mischief grin on his face, but his eyes revealed the truth. 

   Suffer.

   Leif at that time wasn't sure what suffer meant, but he was so sure, it lingered in those brown eyes of his.

   Not like the house wasn't giving the same feelings to Leif. As much as his father was suffering, the house with it's people, was suffering too.

   If she wasn't that damn good in hiding emotions, he could have saved her.

    -Welcome home, father -he said, with a polite smile.

   He knew his father didn't like it when he made a rude face, as he called it.

   -Wipe that look off of your face, it looks disgusting kiddo -he said, and left him there.

   Leif lifted his hand up, and touched his frozen smile. His mind circled around why he got that every time. It hurt like a bullet, but the pain was keeping him on track, to reach the only thing he had ever wanted.

   Love.

   He wanted his father to love him, even if it meant he had to kill his real emotions.

   He gladly made a sacrifice to get appreciation by him.

   Then one question hit.

   'Was he ever proud of you? Do you wanna live in a lie?'

   It hit more than any of his father's insults and comments, and it got him in tears almost.

   Almost.

   You see, he wasn't really allowed to cry back then. His father was a conservative figure, and he believed his sons had no business being crybabies.

   Suddenly, he felt a light weight being placed on his shoulder.

   -Don't cry Leif -Hont, his older brother whispered into his ear with a soft voice-
You know what happens when you do it.

   His smile started to fade away by thinking of the last time he had cried. Or, exactly what had his father did for this.

   The humiliation teached him the lesson.

   His soul was damaged. And that wound will never heal, if he keeps ignoring their existence.

   He was aware of it, so clearly that even his father would be surprised.

   -Leif, stop thinking! -he heard, then a slap ran across his face- You were already tearing up.

   The little boy just nodded, afraid to look into those eyes, so he kept observing the floor.

   Probably Hont started to feel bad of his action, so that's why he kneeled down, to be the same height as him.

   -I'm sorry Leif. I just don't want father to hurt you..-his hand touched the area, where his hand previously hurt the little boy- You surely don't want it too.

   He nodded again, and the smile disappeared.

   -You know what? Let's go take a shower. You kinda need it.

   He stood up, and took Leif's hand in his own. Hont lead him to the bathroom, and locked the door behind them.

   Leif started taking off his clothes without a word, since this has happened several times. Usually Orsa was or Edlyn was the one who bathed him, but it seems like Hont wanted to take his part too in parenting Leif, if their parents couldn't.

   Hont started running the water, trying to get it to the perfect, warm temperature.
  
   He was testing it on his hand, seeing if it would be hot enough.

   He sat down to the chair, which was  placed next to the bathtub.

   -I think the temperature is good..-he said, still testing it- You can step into the tub now.

   Leif obeyed, not saying a word.

   The warm water embraced his body, making him forget the past days, which were full of waiting.

   But they were all wasted.

   -Which shampoo do you use, Leif? -Hont asked, looking at the shelf on the wall.

   Different kind of shampoos and lotions were placed on it. Most of them were in use by Orsa, who always needed to have the perfect skin, and smell, by their father's wish.

   Strange, huh?

   He shrugged his shoulders, unsure of which one is his. He never really paid attention to what his sister's washed his hair with, but at this moment, he wished he did.

   -Ehh..I will use my own shampoo then -he improvised.

                --------------

   He was done with showering, finally. Hont returned to his own room, leaving the young boy alone, in the tangle of his thoughts.

   He wasn't sure where the feeling of being a burden came from, but it was probably because of the shower.

   'Am I a burden, for not knowing how to shower by myself?' -he asked himself.

   Then, just like other times, he started arguing in his head, with himself. He knew it was pointless, since his thoughts would not leave about those feelings, but it was a relief to know that he can fight back.

   -I'm only five! I'm not a burden..-he whispered, not trying to break the silence that lingered around the house.

   But just like he didn't say anything, the thoughts circling again.

   He gave up at this point. Leif layed down on his bed, stretching out his sore body.

   The feeling of the mattress against his bare skin was the best feeling he had ever encountered in his five years of living on this planet.

   It felt like being free, flying through the sky, just like a bird would do. If it wasn't in a cage, to entertain people with it's unique music.

               --------------
Words: 918
2022. jan. 30.