Choose // ChildDolphin FF [complete]

26 - i'm not okay

*Ryan's POV*

-2 DAYS LATER-

This is ridiculous, why was she avoiding me? I was only trying to comfort her.

She hasn't even found out yet and it seems as though she has...

I'm going over there.

*Octavia's POV*

I haven't gotten out of bed in 4 days. I only got up to go to the bathroom, that was it.

All of the thoughts flooding my brain blocked all emotions and feelings. I wasn't hungry, nor tired.

I stayed up all night and all day just thinking about how much I hated myself.

Why couldn't I have treasured my time with my dad? I barely saw him and now he's gone. Just like mom.

I want to see Ryan so badly, but I knew I couldn't. As soon as I saw him again his eyes would cast his spell on me again. Again? Who am I kidding, I'm still under it.

It never went away, as much as I tried hiding it and putting the thoughts away, they always came rushing back no matter what.

I hear a loud knock on the door.

I knew it was him, so he'd soon figure out that the key was under the doormat where it always was when I didn't want to answer the door.

What the hell am I going to tell him.

*Ryan's POV*

I knock 3 times with still no response. She'd shown me that there was a key under the doormat once before, maybe it was still there?

I lift the doormat and there it was. I grab it and stick it in the doorknob and unlock the door.

I close and lock the door behind me and the apartment is untouched. Looks exactly how it was when I left her place the one night about 2 weeks ago.

I walk towards her room and see her underneath the covers.

"O-Octavia?" I stutter, she turns to me as I say her name.

"Hi." She says quickly.

I enter her room fully and stand there awkwardly.

"Are you o-" She cuts me off.

"No, I'm not okay. I hate the fact that my dad is gone and I never said goodbye, and he probably spent those last days not even able to know I was there. So his last memory of me was my angry voice over the phone, the phone. My last words weren't even face-to-face. And now you're here and I-" She stops herself.

"Why haven't you answer any of my calls or texts? I want to be here for you but it's hard when you block me out." I say sternly.

"I couldn't think about you anymore. When I think of you, all I can think about is the secret you aren't telling me an-" I cut her off like she did to me.

"What are you talking about?" I question.

"Brayden told me there was a reason why we weren't together, something on your part. I'm guessing it's because you finally realized that I'm a waste of time and I was always a mistake. My life is a mess, a brutal mess. I just-"

I walk closer to her and sit down on her bed next to her.

"Octavia, you are not a waste of time and you were never a mistake. You still aren't a mistake and never will be. I want to be here for you whenever you need me, don't forget that." I put my hand on her back.