"- 𝐀 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐣𝐨𝐲."
WBW Community presents their project,
𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐩 ❉᯽❉
‗ ❍ Honest reviews and constructive feedback with tips and tricks.
‗ ❍ All books and g...
When I was first welcomed by the random lines of dialogue I was definitely puzzled, to say the least. With no context what-so-however and nothing intriguing from the dialogues(since it only showcases random and jumbled up events). However, the next paragraph finally gives a short insight of the story, making the general content easier for me to understand.
♡ ERROR #1 Many authors use this format to welcome their readers with a catchy first impression, but the first few introduction dialogues caught me off guard.
♡ SUGGESTION #1 Find a snippet from the book that gives out a rather mysterious vibe or search for an emotional scene that would create an impact on the reader. Or if you want to stick to the bubbly and cheerful concept which is totally understandable then at least give a context before so the readers would not be too overwhelmed with the sudden dialogues.
♡ ERROR #2 The sentence "If the secrets and confusion of the past questions him…" is formatted incorrectly, because here you are implying that the secret and confusion is questioning Namjoon, which does not sound right.
Cover: 4.5/5 I admire the simplicity of the cover, all the 7 boys are present and blend to the background perfectly. The font and title appeals to me the most. I personally think it resembles the texture and feeling of a crystal. The only change I would apply is the font and color of the subtitle which does not suit the overall color scheme. Same thing goes for the background, which I think does not suit the vibe of the story as it is a university au. Maybe a school setting where the boys are dressed in uniforms would make more sense. Other than that, I think it is a wonderful choice!
Title: 3/5 I have to admit that this title that you have chosen is one of a kind but the only problem here is that I don't find a hint of correlation to the plot. Yes, I know that you hunted the meaning in the blurb, which I have to admit is a great strategy, but there are many other titles that I think will suit it more. My suggestion is to look for rarely known words, I have seen many people getting inspirations from google and pinterest, so maybe you can give that a shot!
First impression: ⅘ This book has given me a pleasant welcome, and I felt appalled( in a good way). The gorgeous blue cover lured me into reading and despite the rather vague blurb, I was simply impressed. Good for you!
Readers Interaction: 9/10 Surely, you have successfully perked the reader's interests. As I scroll through the chapters I encounter frequent usernames popping up on my screen, indicating that they never left or found your story boring. Again, I would advise you to set your mind on the writing instead of the numbers of viewers or voters, as it is not always the most important thing.
Story plot: 6/10 It is safe to say that it is too early to judge this story's plot as it needs more time to develop, but I am going to give my opinion based on what I have observed so far. From the very start, the readers are being showcased a casual and relaxed lifestyle of Namjoon and his sister. It took me a while to process everything, since there were so many things going on at the same time being bombarded at me. The problem here is the lack of description and improper introduction of each character. You may have briefly introduced them by dedicating a chapter solely for that purpose, but by the start of the first chapter most readers would already start to forget little details about each character. Based on the description, things are going to take a darker turn, it will be tricky to alternate from a very bright and cheerful atmosphere into a more serious and tense one.
♡ SUGGESTION #1 After reading all 8 chapters, I have sensed little-to-no change in the plot. Most stories I have read by amazing and talented authors undergo a slight or even a tremendous change as the story progresses. Since you still have a long way to go and are currently editing the stories, try removing unnecessary parts that have no impact on the storyline. Analyze sentences or lengthy paragraphs that may take up most of the space and shorten it. Don't just tell what events are occuring, instead start showing it through vivid descriptions.
Plot twist: 4/10 So far, I have not come across any surprising and unexpected plot twist. This is reasonable since there are currently only 8 chapters. Again, there is still so much room for you to improve whilst revising the book. The first chapter was a great opening though, and it would be nice to see how you will develop it.
♡ SUGGESTION #1 Always know where and when to end the chapter, believe me this makes a huge difference especially if you are attempting to pull a plot twist. End it at the right moment and you will make the readers gasp in awe and wanting more, end it at the right time then it will create this wonderful suspense and build up before the climax.
Grammar: 5/10 There are definitely some inconsistencies in the tenses and the misuse of commas and other punctuations in some sentences, especially the dialogues. Refrain from italicizing a text, capitalizing it for no clear reason. I am not going into further detail since I am not an expert in grammar either, the only piece of advice I can give you is to proofread everytime you finish writing a draft, read every line to see where you might want to pause and even have a friend or other people correct and comment on your writing. It will really help.
Emotions and feel: 3/10 Everything felt bland, and although the Kim siblings lost their father to an unfortunate car accident I was not able to sympathize or even pity them. Same goes for when Y/N, Namjoon or any other character feels overjoyed. Their happiness did not seem to radiate off the screen and made me smile too. I just remained motionless the whole time I read through your story. The reason behind this will be explained in the next section which ties closely to the problem.
♡ SUGGESTION #1 There was too much telling and so little of showing. And yes there is a line separating the two. Showing means incorporating the character's feelings and emotions to every line. This is something a dialogue cannot do and only a descriptive paragraph can.
Character development: 4/10 This is the part where you lack the most. Each of the characters seemed to have the same basic personality. There is nothing quite different about any of them, the only trait I can make out is that they are all very outgoing and energetic. Namjoon's character trait seems to be that he cares deeply for his sister, nothing more and nothing less. This impacts the emotion and feels of the story, because for there to be a strung of emotion there needs to be a voice of a wholesome character with a real and relatable personality.
Way of writing: 8/10 Every author on the platform no matter how good or how bad has a chance to improve and grow. As long as there is a will then there will be a way, and I can see that there is a will in you to give this story your best shot. There is a variation of vocabulary used and a solid attempt in illustrating a scene or a character. My only advice is improving in the grammar area and maybe learn more about ways to build a character with unique and real traits.
Overall: 5/10
Total: 58/100
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