Love Me At My Worst ✓

12.

3rd person pov:

After coming back to his house, kookie took a shower and changed into his usual black t-shirt and lower.

And now he was sitting in the balcony taking a drag of the familiar white stick between his fingers. And a glass of whiskey in another.

He was thinking about everything happening ,just proceeding the whole day. He thinks about the little moments he had with the younger like how he was mesmerized by other's voice and had admitted to himself that he could listen to it all day. How he was staring at his hand whole time when the younger had held his hand. How he couldn't take his eyes off his fiance when the man came out in his wedding suit. How his cheeks reddened when the bear was ogling him in his white suit. How he felt happy when the other was worried about him.

He knew what was happening to him ,he wasn't an idiot. He had felt these feelings before but for the wrong person who didn't deserve him. But this time he couldn't do the same mistake again. No. He can't let himself get hurt again. He doesn't have the will to get broken anymore. He can't let himself feel like this anymore.

He trusts his appa's decision but still ,he has his doubts. He has his trust issues that makes him unable to enjoy these feelings without being paranoid. He doesn't want to end up like before. It has took him a lot to get up to where he is now ,how he is now and even though he wants to be like how he was 8 years ago ,he knows he can't.

He can't let his guards down again ,can't let anyone in again. Only he knows what he had to go through and how it traumatized him. How he still is just as traumatized. He has to stop whatever is happening to him.

He doesn't know taehyung enough to trust him with himself. Even though he did knew him ,he still wouldn't. In the past too ,he thought the knew his first husband ,turned out he didn't.

He blew out puffs of smoke in the air ,crushing the ciggerate butt in the ashtray and drank the whiskey left in the glass and went inside to get inside his bed.

He laid down and after a few minutes raised his left arm up in the air looking at the bracelet hanging on his wrist that had a letter 'H' on it. He smiled mournfully.

"Good night baby , i love you ,i hope i meet you soon." He said to no one ,bringing back his arm beside him pecking the bracelet and closed his eyes , letting the dreamland consume him.

~

Next day , jungkook was ready to go to office in his suit ,and was getting out of his house ,about to lock the door behind him when he got a call from his appa. He stopped right there and picked up the call.

(Italics : kookie , bold : appa)

Hello ! Good morning appa.

Good morning kookie , i just called you to inform that the moving van will be there at around 11 am and it's 9 am right now. In case you forgot. And remember, i told i have you leave till your wedding ,you can't come to office.

Oh fuck! Thanks for reminding me appa. I forgot about both ,i was actually about to leave for office.

Aishh this workaholic child. Just get back inside now. Rest well and eat good breakfast ,you can't just feed on corn flakes . I heard taehyung ranting about how bad in conditions was your place. Take care of yourself ,okay. My son can be quite a handful ,you will have to get used to be with him.

Yes ,yes appa i understand . I will take care of myself and you too take care of yourself. Now bye ,you are getting late for office.