His Broken Submissive : Mercy

63 I Know...

"I know what you've been hiding..." I breathe out, unable to look at him.

Emotions swamp me from every direction, leaving me disoriented and overwhelmed.

I thought Jonathan was mad I went to a BDSM club without him or because I talked to his ex. The thought that Alec or someone else could attack me didn't even cross my mind until it was too late.

"What are you talking about?" He asks. That he would pretend he hasn't been hiding things for the last week or more makes me shake. I thought he respected me but now I feel like a fool, a disposable fool at that.

"I run your calendar Jonathan, I know your clients and workload. We had meetings scheduled for a month off and suddenly they're just drying up. When I tried asking you about it you'd say you're just lightning the load... but clearing it is completely different."

"Izzy-"

"Did you think I wouldn't notice the plane ticket?" I lift my blurry gaze to his and the guilt written across his face guts me.

I was right...

Never have I wanted to be so wrong in my life.

"I can explain-"

"I overheard you in Viktor's office, everyone knew you were leaving but me..." My cheeks burn and I wrap my arms around myself. He reaches for me but I don't want his pity.

"I thought we had something?" I whisper, unable to hold back. "I thought..."

"We do!" He assures me, bolting up from his seat. "Angel, don't pull away from me-"

"I can't pretend nothing is happening when you're getting ready to toss me away like you did Loni last time." Tears stream down my cheeks, making it impossible to see.

"Loni?! You are nothing like Loni! This is all a big misunderstanding-"

"It has been." I feel strangely cold and numb, but there's a small relief in having it all out in the open finally. "Just give me a couple of days to find a new place-"

"No!" Jonathan grabs me and pulls me towards him and lifts my chin. "This is your home, our home."

"I can't," I whimper. My chest feels so tight it could cave under the pain at any moment.

"Izzy please listen to me. I was leaving but it wasn't for good. I didn't know how long it would take, that's why I didn't say anything..."

I scoff, denying myself the false hope his words promise. Jonathan guides me over to his side of the bed, opens his nightstand and pulls out a manilla envelope.

"Angel, look." Jonathan dumps the contents out and separates them into two piles. On top of the first pile is a plane ticket, one way... the one I had seen the confirmation for.

He rifles through the other and hands me a second ticket with my name on it. My breath hitches and I look at him, struggling for words.

"I was never going to leave you, well not unless you wanted me to." Jonathan sighs and struggles to organize his thoughts. "I didn't want to be selfish and rip you away from your life, your friends, your home..."

"I don't understand..."

"You're right. I'm going on a trip, but it's not one way. I just don't know how long it will take to settle my affairs, that's why I don't have a return ticket."

Jonathan cups my cheek and caresses it as he waits for me to catch on.

"But..." My words fail me as my heart takes the reins. Every fibre of my being wants to believe him but my brain won't shut up. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't know how." I furrow my brows at his simple but stupid answer.

I gape at him and resist the urge to growl. "How about hey Izzy, I have a business trip coming up, details to follow." I try to deepen my voice to sound more masculine but end up sounding like a deranged child.

Jonathan rubs the back of his neck and grimaces. "I suppose that would have worked," he admits.

"You made me think the worst! You tell me this is all about communication then you leave me in the dark!" I shove his chest, feeling my temper explode. "Trust, Jonathan!"

"You're right! I'm sorry!" Jonathan gathers me in his arms to stop me from shoving him again and I break down.

"Why didn't you just trust me?" I whimper.

"Angel, I trust you more than anyone!" He assures me. "I was afraid."

"Afraid?!" I parrot.

He looks at me with such rawness it makes my chest hurt. "Of losing you."

His admission leaves me stunned and at a total loss for words.

Jonathan takes a seat on the bed and gently sets me on his lap. I hiss as my fresh welts touch his pants.

"I was afraid if I asked you to come with me with no idea of when we would be back, you'd say no. I was convinced if I had an end time, you might say yes.."

I want to be mad at him and yet I can understand his train of thought. Understanding or not, it doesn't mean it's right.

"If that was the case, the choice was mine to make. It's not fair to say I have to be honest then hide stuff from me."

He hangs his head and nods. "You're right, Angel. I should have brought it up from the beginning. I'm sorry."

"And my butt hurts," I deadpan. This was most definitely not a funishment. Each welt pulses with my heartbeat and isn't likely to go away any time soon.

"You're lucky it doesn't hurt more," he counters, raising a brow. "I don't know if you understand just how dangerous that was."

I shiver thinking back to the club. "I'm never going back there again. I thought it would be like Bliss."

"Every club is different and it's good to experience different kinds, but some are safer than others. Come on." He scoops me up and heads to the bathroom. "I know a good dungeon we could visit when we're out of town... that is if you want to come with me?"

I smile and nod. "I don't care where we go, as long as we go together." As much as I love the home we've built, it's just an empty house without him.

Jonathan beams at me and brings his lips to mine. What lingering tension that was left between us melts away, leaving us lighter and unburdened.

"Let's clean you up, hmm?" His words are gentle but far from a request. What's more, after the night we've had, this is exactly what we need.

Jonathan opts for a shower so I don't have to sit on my tender behind. He gently washes every inch of me, leaving me feeling like putty in his capable hands.

After drying and wrapping me in a fuzzy towel he has me lay down on my stomach and massages lotion onto my aching butt. The cooling relief has me stifling a moan and him groaning.

"Behave," he grumbles. I struggle to suppress a laugh as he helps me slip into a pair of cotton panties and pulls one of his oversized t-shirts on me.

After tonight I know I'd rather be rewarded than punished, though I suspect he held back.

He crawls into bed first and holds the blankets up for me as I gingerly snuggle in next to him.

"Sleep well, Angel." His lips tenderly brush my forehead and my eyelids flutter shut. Jonathan wraps his arms around me and in his safety, I find my first restful sleep I've had in a long time.