Dark Magic

A Small Bookshop

Most of my summer, I spent alone; Severus having to go away for a time to not only re-join the secret society that was the Order of The Phoenix, but also in attempt to regain Voldemort's trust. I wasn't quite sure where his allegiances truly lied. I don't believe he was either. But it still was not the time nor place to voice my opinion. Times had never been more uncertain, and the ministry were blatantly trying to coverup the events that took place the year prior. All evidence of Voldemort's return had been destroyed. Even the mark on my arm would not suffice for Cornelius Fudge.

All I was able to do, on Harry's fifteenth birthday, was owl him his card and gifts; many an enchantment placed upon Severus' home to ensure I was protected, so long as I stayed inside. Somehow, the walls in the house felt more confining than Hogwarts; but I found myself unable to bare the thought of going back in the coming weeks.

Whether it had crept up on me or I had merely changed overnight, I was unsure. But I recalled looking at my reflection, one morning, and noticing my features had changed. Not like before, due to the aftermath of Severus placing part of my soul into my mother's wand; but I had, evidently, matured. My face appeared less full and certain features such as my cheekbones, cupid's bow and lips had become more prominent. I think I might have lost some weight, but not enough to be noticeable to anyone else. At least my clothes still fitted me, which meant my school robes would, too.

I wrote to Draco regularly, apologising for missing his birthday and promising to give him his gift at the start of the new term, which I had yet to purchase. I missed my brother, Remus and Sirius. So, I plucked up the courage, one morning in August, to ask Severus if I could go and visit my Godfather. Reluctantly and only with Dumbledore's consent, he obliged, so long as he could come with me.

I felt rather tiresome of my appearance, that morning; the scar permanently imprinted on my neck causing my, already depleting, confidence to wane further, each time I took a short glance at it in the mirror. More strands of white hair covered my head than red, only making my complexion appear even paler. I looked like a walking corpse; and I could not quite deny feeling like one, also. I shouldn't be here, I reminded myself everyday. But I was, in some cruel twist of fate. And it was all down to my own selfish stupidity. I should have realised Crouch was disguised as Severus and ran before he could perform the killing curse on me. I should have told someone about my weekly escapades. Perhaps, it would have saved Cedric's life. I could have done more. But I didn't.

"Crinus muto." I breathed, placing my wand atop my head as my lifeless locks turned a deep, chocolate-brown. It had also grown to a disastrous length, so I took some scissors to it and chopped a few inches away; what once nearly reached my waist now fell to my mid-back. Simpler magic was becoming easier with each day. Very slowly but surely, I was gaining it all back, I felt. With each incantation, however, I felt myself slip away a little more.

"Emerald, time to go." Severus' voice called from the bottom of the stairs as I glanced over myself in the long black mirror. I looked nicer than I had in weeks, perhaps even months as I allowed myself to descend into Voldemort's world, the previous year. Time moved on. My grief did not.

Making my way down, I waited for the inevitable reaction from Severus; his eyes scanning my hair as a sort of sadness appeared. A momentary lapse of emotion that I forced myself to ignore, otherwise I could break. The man suddenly broke the silence, clearing his throat as he replaced that sadness with a small smile, "You look beautiful."

A small warmth I hadn't felt in a while brewed in my stomach as I found myself trying to allow a smile to trail my lips; evidently, this was a harder feat than I had anticipated. But Severus did not appear to mind, extending his arm for me to take as we both stepped into his fireplace and flooed to Remus' cottage, which looked entirely different than the first time I had laid eyes upon it.

The roof was no longer caving in, appearing recently renovated with the money Remus was now earning at his new job. Something struck my chest at the thought of my absence also making this better life of my Godfather's even more possible. A life better lived without me in it. And that was a very dangerous thought, indeed.

The house was empty, as we had expected. But it was the closest place we could floo safely to which was also nearer to the book shop. We walked the streets arm in arm, my hooded cloak covering my face that Severus had gifted me a few Christmases ago. The August heat was sweltering, as I found myself struggling to keep cool, grateful for any relief in the shaded parts of the village.

As we stepped inside, the bell chimed. A few people walked amongst the shelves, most of which were its workers; Severus following closely behind as we scanned the room for my Godfather. Instead, I found my eyes trailing a hardcover copy of the very book I had been wishing to gift to Draco as a birthday present, my fingertips running along its spine as I felt the bumpy, golden title, 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.'

"Do you want it?" Severus' voice was soft and quiet, but still it felt odd in the library surrounding us. I turned to face him, "I hoped to give it to Draco as a birthday present. I wrote a letter to Remus asking for it, but..." I cut myself short, remembering the night I sat at my dresser and confided in him my wish to reside with him and not go back to Hogwarts, the following year. The night I discovered the suicidal options on a bit of parchment that I must have made whilst under Crouch's imperious curse.

"But, what?" Severus asked, his brows furrowed with concern, dragging me back into this new reality. My low scoff in retaliation concealed the sudden pain in my chest that no words nor books could ever alleviate. It had stuck well since that night; the feeling of sheer and utter hopelessness that the world would never be the same again. That the youth that once resided in me was long extinguished before I even had a chance to see it. In my mind, I had aged a decade, that night. And I knew the world, nor Severus Snape, could ever understand it. Could never help it.

"I never sent it. I suppose, it is better late than never." I sighed, plucking the book from its dusty pile and making my way to the front desk.

"Remus, there's someone waiting to be served!" A young girl called up the stairs, likely an apprentice for she must have been no older than sixteen.

"Coming!" His kind voice called from the attic space, his polished shoes taking each step down carefully as a layer of dust sat atop his brown hair, which was starting to spurt strands of grey, now. A new scar had made its way underneath the, already deep, one on his left cheek. I suddenly remembered, it had been a mere two days since the last full moon, chastising myself for not realising sooner. Another thing I was not there to aid him through; to alleviate his pain through the long night.

Without sparing me a glance, he took the book and brushed the dust from it, beginning to wrap it with brown paper. He began to work the till, a number appearing on the small screen, "Four pounds, please."

I tilted my head to the side, my hood slipping slightly to reveal my face to him, "Remus?"

A low hum emitted from him, for he did not recognise my voice; had it grown deeper? I supposed, I hadn't noticed, if it had. And Severus had not mentioned anything. Perhaps, he had not noticed either. "It's me." I breathed, reaching to remove my hood but Severus' hand caught me short, preventing me from doing so. "Not here, my dear. It's too dangerous."

By this time, the realisation had sunk into Remus' hazel eyes, his eyes flickering in disbelief as though a quick blink would cause me to disappear. "Emerald?" His voice spoke, barely above a whisper. For the first time in a month, I smiled; the man practically jumping the desk to engulf me in his embrace, tighter than ever before as a breath of relief emitted from him. Finally, I thought. With Severus and Remus in the same room, I felt at home, once more.