This one is for you

CHAPTER18

Derek's POV.

How can I be so stupid?? Why did I have to listen? How can I think that I won't get caught? And damnit, how the hell am I gonna fix this? I love her, I do. Yes, I've just said that, I love her! Why can't I just say that? I can tell her I love her, and I'll find out about her later, right? Why didn't I think about that? Why?

I got out of the studio, and for a moment, I wanted to knock on her door to apologize. But I stopped, in case I dig myself an even bigger hole. I left her a note and I went out, hoping to clear my head a little. I started walking towards Mark's bachelor pad, which was actually just a few blocks away. I rang his doorbell and he came out fresh out of the shower, still in his towels.

"What do you want?" He demanded.

"Are you alone?" I asked. I really didn't want to talk to any blonde bimbo that he might be doing.

"Unfortunately, yes." I pushed past him into the apartment.

"Okay, sure come in. Make yourself comfortable." He mumbled, as he walked back to his shower.

"Hurry up." I called after him.

"Why the hell not?" He called back sarcastically.

Mark came back wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He grabbed two beers out of the fridge and handed me one. He plopped himself onto the other couch and stared at me.

"Why are you here?"

"This is really weird." How am I gonna say this to Mark?

"You bet it is. Now talk."

"It's about Meredith..."

"She didn't want to wear the nurse outfit?" He asked sincerely.

"No! It's not about some stupid nurse outfit! I screwed up!"

"Are you having problems? Because if you are, we need to make sure she doesn't leak it to National Enquirer, and we need to get you treated fast!" Does he ever get his mind out of the gutter?

"My sex life is perfectly fine, thank you very much! I...I did something stupid."

"Ohh...you want girl talk. Oh boy, let me get something stronger. I can't stand girl talk with only beer." Mark said, immediately getting up to grab the scotch.

"So what exactly was so stupid that you did?" He said as he poured our drinks.

"I...kinda listened to her talking to her friend." I said quietly.

"Was her friend at your place? Because, she can't get mad at you for being in your home while she has friends over."

"She was on the phone." I said finally, waiting for the blow to come.

"You what?" He said, almost knocking over the glasses.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Well you're in some kind of shit."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious." I said, glaring at him as I took my glass.

"Give her time, Derek...I'm surprised that you would do something this stupid. I should be the one to do that kind of crap, actually I've upgraded. I won't even do that kind of stuff."

"Got any other suggestions other than talking about yourself?" I really don't need this now.

"Ummm...nope!" He said, shaking his head.

"Alright then...I should get back." I said, getting up.

"Hey, don't do something stupid again okay? Mere, she's special. Don't screw up again." He said truthfully, looking up at me.

"Where did all that wisdom come from?" I said, completely surprised. When did Mark the manwhore become so sensitive?

"It''s called the twilight zone."

"Good night, Mark."

"Good night! Go get laid!" Ahh, now Mark is back.

I went back home and found my note replaced by her's. She said my dinner was in the microwave. Great, I'm an ass, and she still made me dinner. I seriously wish she didn't made me dinner, then I wouldn't feel that guilty. Right, now I'm blaming her for making me feel guilty.

I didn't felt like eating so I went to bed. It was hard for me to sleep, especially with the guilt weighing down on me like a rock. After the millionth round of tossing and turning, I got up and knocked on her room. Naturally, she didn't answer. I quietly sneaked into her room and found her curled up in bed. I carefully sat down on the other side of the bed, in case I woke her up.

"Mere...I'm sorry if I wake you. No, I know you're awake, but please, just listen...I'm an ass. I'm sorry I did that to you today. I didn't know what I was thinking. After we went out to lunch, and you didn't tell me about what happened in Columbia...I guess I was disappointed, which I knew I shouldn't, since we don't even really know each other that well. And I know that you don't really trust me yet, but that's okay. I...I just wanted to know more about you, but you always close yourself off. I know I'm being impatient, but to tell the truth, I've never really knew anyone who can make me feel the way you make me feel. You make me feel different...you make me want to do better, to be a better person. You make me feel all these things that I never thought even existed in me. So please, Mere, forgive me. Mere, forgive me, and we'll take this slow. You call all the shots, okay? Please?" I pleaded with her, hoping that she heard me.

I saw her move her leg a little and waited. I really wanted to grab her and turn her to face me, but that would just make me look even more impatient than before. So I waited. Gradually, she turned around to my side. She opened her eyes slowly and looked at me.

"Mere...did you hear me?"

"Mmmhmmm." She mumbled sleepily.

"I'm sorry for what I did. It was completely stupid and inconsiderate..." I started again. Hell, I'll say sorry and grovel forever just for her to forgive me, or just to say something.

"Shhh...shhhh...shhh...Do you know what time it is?"

"Umm...three in the morning." I said, a bit embarrassed. Great.

"Exactly. It should be sleeping time or time for sex, but I didn't think you behaved so well today to get that. But anyway, it's...sleep time..." She said, stifling a yawn but failing miserably. "So...get in and sleep." She said turning back to her side again.

I quickly got under the covers. I couldn't believe my luck and my fortune for having her.

"So, am I forgiven? Or should I grovel more? I can make breakfast tomorrow! Do you want omlette? pancakes? crepes?" I asked, one hand on her shoulder.

"One more word!" She warned, hoping her finger up.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I said, holding onto her raising hand and kissed her finger.

"You don't snore, do you?" She asked.

"Nope. I'm quiet." I said as I spooned her and snuggled close. Her body fit perfectly next to mine, as if we were a perfect mold.

"Good...and crepes." She said finally.

I held her until I felt her breath even out. I kissed her neck gently and whispered. "I love you."