This one is for you

CHAPTER 34

Derek's POV.

Somehow during my drunken stupor last night, I moved myself to the couch. I woke up lying face down on the couch, an empty bottle of scotch by my side. I could feel the pounding headache as soon as I opened my eyes, and the reason why I was drunk followed soon after. I groaned in pain, and prayed that I could fall back to sleep so that I wouldn't need to deal with anything. But, of course, that didn't happen.

Mark came into the door, whistling happily. He stopped when he saw me on the couch.

"Dude, what happened?"

"Hanover..." I managed to grumble out.

"Where's the kitten?" He asked, I winced when he said that.

"We had a fight." I said.

"So she's gone?" He asked, looking around at my really empty apartment.

"Mmmhmm..." I mumbled. I could feel the tears coming, I don't know for myself or for the fact that I might just have lost the most important thing in my life.

"Care to talk?" He said, sitting down in another sofa beside me.

"You want to talk?" I asked. Mark never talked, he just screw.

"I'm not awake yet, so yeah, talk."

I stopped for a moment and thought, what the hell, maybe it'll make more sense.

"Mere went back to work, she's running the bar now, so she's busy. She's been working for about two weeks, and she's almost never home. I was worried about her and so last night, I went to the bar to see her. I saw her flirt with another man, and I just kinda ticked..." I said, looking up at Mark, who was listening intently. "Now is the time you tell me something supportive."

"So you got mad at her because you were jealous?"

"Why else would I be mad at her?"

"You said she was flirting?" He asked again.

"It looks like she was flirting. Why else would she lean over the counter and laugh with that man?"

Mark looked at me and sucked in a breath. "She was been nice to the customers. Bartenders need to be nice, it's called keeping up the bar vibe. She wasn't flirting. It was part of her work."

"So she wasn't flirting?" I asked, still shocked.

"Nope, and now she probably think you're an ass for yelling at her."

"Yeah...I think I said that she didn't deserved to be loved..." I admitted slowly.

"What? Are you seriously that dumb?" He yelled, I winced at the pain in my head.

"Derek! She has been working her ass off for the bar! She had to do the grunge work and the bookkeeping and the bartending...she had to do everything! She doesn't even have time to eat! Did you notice how thin she looked! She's tired and stressed! I'm surprised that she's still alive!"

"I know...I wasn't thinking...how the hell do you know so much about her?"

"I go to the bar! I go there sometimes to drink, now I go there to check on her!"

"You knew all this and you didn't bother to tell me?" I yelled.

"I thought you would be smarter than that!" He snapped. I feel that he wanted to punch me, but he didn't.

"Damnnit!" I yelled, burying my face in the sofa.

"What am I suppose to do now?" I asked later, looking up at Mark who was still fuming.

"You can either leave her alone to let her heal and let her move on, or you can apologize and grovel. But seriously, I don't think you deserve her." He said finally, looking down at me with sympathy and hurt.

"I can't! Mark, I need her!" I yelled from my spot as he got up to leave.

"And she needs someone who won't be so stupid to jump to conclusions without knowing shit and hurt her!" He screamed at me, pointing at me accusingly.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled back.

"Save it for someone who cares! And write those damn songs, Derek!" He yelled, slamming the door shut.

I stayed in my place until I felt numb in my legs. I got up slowly and got some aspirin and water. My mind was clouded. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know what will happen in the future. I've been so used to having Meredith with me in everything, I don't know what the future will be like without her. I need Meredith.