Spend Some Time (Eminem Fanfic)

66. There Are No Words

Marshall's P.O.V.

I don't want to believe this shit man.

After hanging up the phone, I tell myself it must be a mistake.

I keep repeating that to myself on the way to the hospital.

And while sitting in that damn shitty ass waiting room.

And once the news gets broken down to me that doody didn't make it after all.

I guess at some point I stumbled in the emergency room to see...

This man laying dead on a hospital bed is not Proof, I think to myself numbly as I stare at the dead body in front of me.

The body of some poor dead bastard, with all these damn tubes and machines connected to him, that looks just like Proof, but is not him.

Can't be him, because that wouldn't make any goddamn sense for it to be him.

It's not Proof, cause Proof ain't dead.

He can't be.

Not him.

Not Proof.

I fucking refuse to believe that.

"Marshall," somebody speaks to me then from behind my back, and I don't even know who that is, nor do I care.

I take one last look at this dead dude that looks just like Proof, and then I walk out of the hospital room and just keep on walking.

"Marshall," somebody says behind me again, and I suddenly flip.

"WHAT?!" I turn on my heels and see Denaun.

"Sorry dawg, just thought we all should stick together right now," he says quietly.

Nah, fuck that.

I literally don't want to be around anybody right now.

I feel numb.

But also angry as fuck at the same time.

I don't understand how this shit could happen. It ain't fucking right.

I just spoke to Proof yesterday.

I don't even know what man.

All of know is that I just wanna be gone out of this place right now.

"I need to go, man," I say to Denaun. "I need to fucking go," I repeat, and I keep walking.

My bodyguard follows me. I don't even know how the motherfucker got in here with me, to be honest.

Oh yeah, he drove me here, I guess, as I was too distraught to drive myself...

I get back in my car, and the bodyguard drives me home.

I barely even remember the drive itself.

I do vaguely remember being aware of the fact that I'm so glad Betty took all of the kids off my hands today, because, as much as I love my girls, I honestly don't wanna see any of them right now.

Or rather, I don't want them to see me.

Not in the condition I am in right now. And not when I'm about to do what I'm about to do.

I walk in the empty house and shut the door behind me.

Then I just stand there for a few minutes.

My mind heavy and numb.

I literally don't know what to even do with myself.

I make my way down to the basement and sit in the studio at the soundboard.

I want nothing else but to continue to be in denial about the fact that my best friend, no, my brother, is dead right now, taken from me in a fucking instant.

But as much as I am in denial about that, I am also very acutely aware of it, and the pain is just too much to take.

I honestly wish I could cry right now.

Just cry like a bitch and let at least a small microscopic percentage of that pain out, but the problem is, I simply can't cry for some reason. My eyes remain dry as fuck, while my brain is fucking wired.

Then I feel anger all over again.

So much rage in me that I suddenly jump on my feet and begin trashing my home studio.

Tearing things off walls and throwing them about.

Punching walls with my fists, not even feeling any pain when I do this.

It's like, I go into some type of a straight up blind rage and I can no longer see or hear anything.

Until a very quiet and soft voice is heard behind me, calling my name.

"Marshall."

I turn around, and Melody is there, and I honestly could care less for her right now.

"Fuck are you doing here?!" I ask her in a hostile voice. "How'd you get in?"

"I still have my key," she shrugs and speaks in the same quiet voice.

"What about my security outside?"

"They let me in."

"Fucking bastards!! Hope you realize that all of them are getting fired tomorrow because of your stupid ass," I rage.

"You wouldn't do that," Melody quietly says. "I take full responsibility anyway. They only let me in because they care about you, and I told them that you really shouldn't be alone right now."

"Well, you told them a goddamn lie then, and they were dumb as fuck to listen to it," I say evilly, narrowing my eyes at her. "Mel, get the fuck out. I don't want you here."

"No," she says, and that pisses me off even more.

"Bitch, get the fuck out! Right now!!"

She shakes her head and starts moving towards me.

"Mel, imma count to three," I say warningly. "If your dumb ass ain't out of here by then, imma fuck your dumb ass up, and you know I would. You know what I'm fucking capable of. One."

Her eyes widen slightly and she actually looks scared of me.

Good.

"Two," I say, but she keeps making her way towards me. "I'm fucking warning you again, bitch," I say. "You don't get the fuck out, I'll make you regret ever meeting me."

She stands right in front of me now.

"Three."

Before I can do anything though, she suddenly wraps her arms around me and pulls me down to her, hugging me. She puts one of her hands against the back of my head and lowers my face down, pressing it against the side of her neck.

I want to just push her off me so bad and throw her into one of the walls just like I've done with the other objects in this room, I just wanna take my pain and anger out on her right now, but then something inside of me breaks and I just hold on to her for dear life.

My knees buckle and I fall to the ground, bringing her with me.

I can feel her arms around me, wrapping around me soothingly and I just can't fight the comfort she is trying to give me, even though I feel like I don't deserve it. I bury my face in the side of her neck and close my eyes.