Tragic Magic (Ronnie Radke Love Story) [Book 2-sequel to The Drug In Me]

28. Fear Of Being Alone

**** I wrote this at school, hope you enjoy! You're all beautiful and wonderful ****

When Ronnie first started stirring, the sun was meekly peeking through the window, hesitant and soft. In a few hours, Spencer and Morgan would pick us up.

They would bring me to the court. I would have to speak to the judge before I went into the court, and when it started, I would have to be sworn in.

I would have to sit calmly while His lawyer made his statement, and then my lawyer made mine. Then I would have to listen to His argument, as the defendant. Then I would have to make mine.

I would have to walk up to the podium, look Him in the eyes, and testify that He is the one that abused me. And raped me. And kidnapped me. And attempted to kill me, and Ronnie, and Jacky.

I would have to let my lawyer question me. Then I'd have to have His lawyer question me. Probably brutally. And I would have to stay stable so that they believed me.

I'd have to show them that I wasn't mentally unstable and making all of it up. Which is what His argument is I'm sure. I would have to convince the judge and the juvy that I was telling the truth. I'd have to convince everyone that I was telling the truth.

And I would have do it alone.

Spencer tried as hard as he could to get the judge and officials to pardon me and make an exception. But they refused. Probably a lot of it was because of Ronnie's past with abuse, and what with my case being about abuse, I guess it was suspicious to them.

I was terrified. I would have to walk to the podium alone. I would have to calmly sit a few feet away from Him, for at least 2 hours. And I would have to acknowledge Him and look at Him for a long time. I don't think I could do it.

I would have to do it all alone.

How could I do that? I was going to be a complete wreck. Nobody could really expect me to be able to do this on my own, right?

I couldn't. I needed Ronnie there with me.

H-he would kill me. He would get out of the handcuffs, get past the police that Morgan promised me would be there, and kill me. There was no way I could make it for an hour in the same room as Him without breaking down, nonetheless 4 hours!

I looked down at Ronnie, trying to calm down. It calmed me a little bit seeing that he was with me, but knowing that he wouldn't be able to touch me or hold me when I was in court soured the feeling.

It gnawed at my brain, chewed on my heart, making the fear a constant feeling in my life. God damn, it had been 4 years, nearly 5. How much longer would He haunt me?

Forever.

Jacky came hobbling into the room with his crutch and an arm in a sling, and sat down on the other side of me. He smiled at Ronnie sleeping in my lap, and then he took one of my hands in his and smiled comfortingly at me. I nodded and smiled a bit.

He was telling me that they would be here when I got back. But I didn't want to wait till I got back. I wanted them to be there when the court had made their decision. I wanted them to be there when it was over.

I didn't want to be alone.

"C-can you guys all come with me?" I asked, my voice coming out like a croak. I was holding back sobs, terrified sobs.

Jacky nodded and said "Of course. We'll sit in the very front row, so if you turn around you can clearly see us. We'll be there, we won't let anything happen to you"

I nodded thankfully, warm tears dripping down my face.

I didn't want to be alone.

I was alone for 4 years. I felt alone for 15 years before that. And for another 6 months in the pit. I didn't want to be alone anymore.

I wanted to have my friends there. My true family.

I wanted Jacky there. And Ryan. And Derek. And Ron, but he was gone. And Max. And Janey.

I wanted Ronnie there.