Tragic Magic (Ronnie Radke Love Story) [Book 2-sequel to The Drug In Me]

76. Becoming What You Hate

**** Love you all. And with this, the real 'fun', or real torture, begins. Prepare yourselves! ****

It had been 6 weeks of living at Ronnie's house. I injected every 6 hours, and somehow managed to keep it hidden from Ronnie. I don't know how, I guess maybe finally, after all this time, I finally got lucky. Or maybe it was my bad luck that made him not find out.

Ronnie had to leave for another tour-with Enter Shikari and I See Stars, and more that I didn't remember the names of. I would go with him, of course, but it would make the drugs all the more complicated to hide....

It was getting worse. I knew it, but I wasn't going to do shit about it. Why? Because I didn't want to stop it; well, that's not entirely true. A part of me wanted it to stop, but that part was so easily overpowered by my self-destruct personality, and I was taken over by the side that didn't give a shit that I was hurting myself and wasting away.

And why should I stop it?

'Because you're hurting yourself'

Hah, I don't give a fuck.

'Because you're betraying Ronnie'

Well....

'Because he'll be destroyed when he finds out you've been doing this, all under his roof, right under his nose'.

Erm....

'Because he'll blame himself for not seeing it sooner, for not stopping you'.

He's already onto me! He's noticed I've been acting weird, he suspects something is up. It's only a matter of time...

Then leave! Dont wait around for him to find out, you shithead!

No, I can't leave him. How would he feel?

Who gives a fuck, it's about you! You want heroin, then leave, find someone who will let you have heroin!

No, I won't be like his mother, or all his old friends, used-to-be-alibis, now haters, critics, betrayers. I won't leave him.

You will.

No, I won't!

You will.

No, I-I won't leave him!

Yes, you will. You'll see.

N-no!

I turned away from my thoughts, focusing on Ronnie. He was sitting next to me, watching a basketball game and Full House re-runs. I was sort of watching them, but mostly I was watching Ronnie.

Ok, that sounds creepy.

No, I was admiring him....

Still creepy.

Alright alright, I confess, I was staring, gawking, watching him. Every breath he took, the way his chest rose, every time his hand tightened on his knees when there was a close call in the game, the easy smile on his face as he watched the Full House reruns.

He was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen, and ever would see.

Perfect.

Fucking perfect.

Sure he was no saint, but he was still perfect to me. All his imperfections just added to my adoration for him, my love.

"I love you Ronnie" I blurted out, and then I sighed at my stupidity and blushed. I can't believe I just let that slip out, what the fuck?

He turned to me a bit confused, and then his face pulled into a smile-oh, that gorgeous smile of his; it made me swoon.

"I love you too Ry" he said, grabbing my arms and pulling me closer to him. "What brought that on?" he asked me, raising an eyebrow.