Don't Lose Sight of Me

(14) Spiraling Out of Control

Juliette

"Josiah, please!" I beg after him as he swiftly moves through the apartment packing the few items he's left behind for when he stays over. He ignores me, walking past me into my bedroom. He opens my closet pulling out a few of his shirts and hoodies, stuffing them into the large trash bag he pulled from the kitchen. "Please don't do this." I groan as I watch him continue filling up the bag.

"Can we just talk!" I scream at him as he pushes past me to go into the bathroom. I chase after him, blocking the doorway. "You don't have to go." I tell him. He scoffs and drops the bag on the floor. "I can't stay here Jules. I can't do this right now. My head is flooding with thoughts and I'm on the verge of exploding."

I sniffle and shake my head. "So talk to me! Please!" I beg him. He raises his hands to his hair, grasping at sections of hair. "Jules please!" He says in a loud tone that wasn't quiet screaming, but was definitely a tone of frustration. "Why are you doing this." I ask him. "I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW!" He finally explodes. I flinch and begin crying.

He groans and takes a deep breath. "I've always loved you. Unconditionally. When he didn't want you, I was there. Because I have and will always want you. When he'd cheat on you. I was there with you. When you were hurting. I was there. I've loved you through it all. But it only took you a few minutes to kiss him and tell him you loved him?" He asks me. I lower my head, quietly sobbing. "If you want a relationship full of cheating and hurting then so be it. But that won't be with me." He sighs and I hear him pick up the bag. "I just need time away, Juliette." He whispers.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I forgot only he can call you Juliette." He mumbles as he walks past me. "Josiah.." I groan as I turn around to chase after him. "Bye, Jules." He mumbles as he closes the door shut behind him. I hear Alysa open her bedroom door, slowly peeking her head out.

I turn to look at her, my bottom lip shaking uncontrollably as I tried to contain my tears. "Come here." She whispers as she opens the door for me. I run into her arms, burying my face into her neck. "I'm sorry." She whispers.

"I'm so fucking stupid." I mumble.

"You're far from that." He mumbles. I flinch and pull away from Alysa looking behind her at Bill who was peering out Alysa's window. I hadn't noticed him at first. I hadn't realized they were hanging out more.. privately.

I realize that Bill must have heard the entire argument.

"He's not thinking straight right now Jules." He mumbles. I snap my head up to look at Bill. Alysa furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "He never is. That isn't new." She tells him.

He shakes his head. "No, I mean he's really not thinking straight. He's become more unpredictable. To the point where I can't tell what's going to set him off anymore or what he's trying to do. I don't think he even knows what he's doing."

Tom would go through periods where he would disassociate from reality. Where everything would become disconnected. Memories. Feelings. His thoughts would begin to clash with his darker personality and he'd become confused. It was during these periods that Bill feared Tom the most. Because there was no reaching Tom when his switch would go off. There is no explanation or reasoning. There is no boundary Tom wouldn't cross during these periods. And it wouldn't matter who you were.

I slam my fist against the door multiple times. The black Mercedes was parked in the driveway. He was here. Bill had said Emi was out with Rosie. Apparently those two had begun hanging out.

"Jules I can't tell you what he's thinking. He may seem calm and collected, but he's on the edge."

"What are you doing here?" He asks seeming surprised as he looks behind me at Alysa's car. I push past him into the house.