Don't Lose Sight of Me

(22) I Got Lost

Juliette
"I really hate when you do this stuff." I laugh as I hear him chuckle. "I really hate when you don't trust me." He says. I smirk and turn my head in his direction. At least I hope I was. It was difficult to guess because of the blindfold. I feel the car stop and I hear him get out. Moments later my door opens and I feel him grab my hand and carefully help me out.

I accidentally stumble, but as always, he catches me. "You're going to kill me." I tease him. I hear him laugh as he leads me a few steps towards the unknown. "I'll be right behind you." He chuckles as he reaches for the blindfold, taking it off.

I smile as I look at the beautifully lit and decorated spot a few feet in front of us at the beach I first brought him to over a year ago. That was the last date we ever had before everything came down on us.

He takes my hand, leading me to the large blanket set up, surrounded with lanterns and a small picnic basket. I lower my head, feeling my face begin to turn red. "You couldn't have thought of something else?" I tease him as we get comfortable on the large blanket. He smirks and takes a deep breath looking towards the calm ocean beneath the glowing moon. "This is all I could think about. If I remember correctly.. you made me jump off that small cliff over there." He teases me back. I begin laughing, remembering that night.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

He looks back over at me and smiles. "This was one of the best dates I ever had with you." He says. I smile, exhaling slowly. "Things were different then." I sigh. "You weren't with Emi then. You hadn't left. We were happy. And I hadn't yet found out I—"

I flinch, immediately stopping as I was close to saying pregnant. He furrows his eyebrows confused as to why I stopped so abruptly.

I shrug defeatedly. "We had our moment." I whisper. "You've never been just a moment for me." He whispers quietly.

I can't help but smile. When we first met, that was all we were. Just a moment. For the longest, that's the only way we saw ourselves.

I catch my breath, trying to bring myself to ask him. But I was too scared of what his answer would be. "And as for Emi.." He whispers. I look up at him, noticing he was looking at me. Something about him was different. His eyes were no longer staring at me in a heavy and suffocating way. They were comforting to look into. They weren't shallow. Looking into them, I could see my reflection. But I could also feel myself being drawn into them. I could feel myself getting lost in them the way I did at one point, a long time ago.

"Say the words." He says. He takes my hand and gently fidgets with my fingers, running his fingers across them, slipping them in between, until he finally holds my hand firmly in his.

I feel a heavy sense of guilt wash over me. I wanted nothing more than for him to be with me. For us to be one again. But Tom and I had a record of being catastrophic together. What we once had burned to the ground over a year ago. And there wasn't a way to pull the ashes from the ground. We'd hurt each other too much. Hurt others too much. I couldn't do that to Emi.
Could I?

He must have an idea of what I was thinking because he sighs and shakes his head looking down at our hands. "I went back home, thinking I could get back to the life I had before you. But Germany wasn't my home anymore. My home was wherever you were. Bill can't imagine a life without Alysa. But I can't exist without you."

I pull my hand away from his. "You know you say all these things. But look at us. What are we doing? Tom we're.." I scoff unsure of what to even say. ".. half the time I don't know what we're doing. What we are. It's like the beginning when we first met except rather than it being Austen and me, it's you and Emi. I don't know what we are anymore!" I groan.